Sometimes those demons come back to haunt you.
God has shown me that He (or She, whatever you prefer and whomever you worship) is in total control of my life. I showed my hand to God and He (or She) laughed at my ridiculous thoughts and vision of my future. I now know that things are in my future that I had no idea I would be blessed to have but at the same time I also know that the remnants of my previous marriage still haunt me.
It seems like every time I think I am healed, when I truly feel as if I can walk facing forward, something reminds me why I am in this place at this time. Right now it is all financial. My trust in someone that did not deserve a dime had me close to financial ruin and it seems no matter how much I try, those financial demons shape my current situation.
I try so hard not to be bitter but there are times when my humanity gets the best of me and I HATE HIM FOR IT!!! Then I hate that I was so quick to be done with him that I accepted all the debt and let him out free as a bird to enjoy life with his next wife.
While they seem to be doing extremely well (I know things are not always what they seem) I am haunted by his financial irresponsibility and my stupidity in mixing my finances with his. And now, years later I am still struggling with those choices.
It effects me...every...day.
I eagerly await the day when I can fully walk away from those bad choices. The choices that have me in a place that is currently keeping me from things I need to do. The financial issues that are now shaping my views on relationships. I need to get a handle on this before it ruins my current blessing.
Don't get me wrong, I am a stickler for budgets and I do not waste money. But it so hard to dig yourself out of a hole when you don't make much and prices in an unstable economy fluctuate like the wind.
Leaving the past behind you...is not always easy.
I MUST learn how to do it.
What I have learned...make your choices carefully.