Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Random Thunderstorms....(Why?)

Taking a hint from the Off the Dome posts that I like so much, here are the random thoughts (or random thunderstorms, I like the storm theme) that are swirling around this week.

Why can't you just say "I am proud of you" or "Congratulations" to me? Why is everything just "Okay" or "A good start" with you? WTF?

Why do I love the new crib and wonder why it took me so long to move on with my life and away from you?

Why has life been so good to me for the past year? Maybe the 30s are indeed the new 20s? Maybe the 40s will be even better?

Why is my new neighbor such a sweet lady, but after moving and the massive cleaning job of disinfecting the new crib I just want to relax.
- Am I old school, do people still call them "cribs"

Just because you call me, does NOT mean I have to answer the phone.

And NO, I didn't return your call because I didn't FEEL LIKE IT (whew, had to get that one off my chest. I'm better now :)

Why am I very happy that I looked your way. Like Prince said, "In a word, you were SEXY!"

WHY oh WHY am I the happiest and most content that I have been in an extremely long time? And it has nothing to do with a man, money, place or thing?

Why the first time I opened my back door onto my very first backyard, my furbaby took off to explore his new surroundings? So much for the thought of having to coax him outside :)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Love is NOT an Emotion...It is a Choice

I was talking with my sister the other day and we had an in-depth conversation on love. The emotion of it, the ins and outs of it, we pretty much tore love apart and put it back together. Why? Just because we can :)

No really, she had a conversation with a friend (lets call her Julie) who could not understand why my sister wanted to spend her extra time with her husband. Granted Julie is also married to a contractor who works in Iraq and only comes home for one month twice a year. Julie complains the she needs a vacation from him while he provides a very nice roof over her head, money to go to school (she does not work) and a new car. I would imagine they would stay in a constant honeymoon state because of the limited time they have together but she has problems spending two months out of the year with him.

Which brings us back to love.

Most people marry for love. They are in undeniable, no-holes-bared love when they walk down the aisle and profess this love to God, family and friends, right? So what happens after the vows?

People do not realize love is a choice. You can chose to love someone just like you can chose to stop loving someone. If love is not a choice, than you could never move on from a broken heart and you could never love another person after that first love broke your heart. Let's break this down...

People often confuse that butterfly in the gut, want to jump their bones feeling with love. That is not love, many people describe it as lust or infatuation. I call it the Cloud Nine Stage (more on that later). I think it was best explained by Carrie Bradshaw in Sex in the City as the Zsa Zsa Zsu. Some unexpainable feeling (or chemical reaction if you read this previous post) that makes you want to be around that person every chance you get.

But, after we get used to the Zsa Zsa Zsu (and we always do) we began to see the other person's flaws, those habits that tick us off. And then we chose rather we want to continue with them. We chose to love them (or not) through it all.

The choice of love is what makes you want to continue to work at the relationship, but the Zsa Zsa Zsu often keeps there. Chosing love makes you nourish a relationship when it is dying, make time for that person in a busy world, ask yourself if your partner would be ticked off if I did X, Y or Z. Love is a careful, honest and sometimes brutal choice.

I love plenty of people I would never be in a relationship with, but the Zsa Zsa Zsu is what I want to have with my life companion.

I know some of you have thoughts on this one. What do you think? Is love a choice?

*Photo is Cherishing.The.Moment by Fred. Matthews*

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Love List...Quality Time

Quality time (or QT as my sister refers to it) is a term that is tossed around quite a bit. What exactly does it mean? It reminds me of the Hi-Five song:

I'll spend quality time with you
I'll be right there for you...

Is quality time simply being in the presence of the other person? Is it spending time doing something together that bonds the two of you? Can it only be face-to-face time or is it possible to do over the phone?

I have made a conscience effort to do several things to get back out in the world. One is to be more social. I have my performance group that I often mention here (and it is source of a lot of my pictures) I also take Salsa lessons during the week and go to at least one activity a week.

So, why the post on quality time? Hmmm...I am not yet ready to reveal that, but I will reveal that I know I need it. For me, it is face-to-face time that allows you to get to know someone's demeanor. How they smile, laugh, gesture with their hands, or simply interact with the world. It allows you to experience the world as they see it and do things the other person likes. Quality time allows you to get to know the representative and see if you want to get to know the real person.

If that Hi-Five reference was a little before your time:
(I loved this group growing up...)

KayC's Love List:

31. Makes time for me and us in this busy world
32. Demonstrates patience when needed
33. Is not afraid to be emotionally open to me
34. Knows that you must nourish a relationship for it to grow
35. Will enjoy wasting time with me at the beach watching the waves
36. Has a good heart
37. Works on leaving his legacy here on earth
38. Can make me smile with a smile of his own
39. Helps me to fulfill my fantasies
40. Respect my time with my girls while I respect his time with the fellas

KayC's Love List # 1-20
KayC's Love List # 21-30

Friday, September 5, 2008

Thank You (The Poem to the Ex)

Thank you for...
Cheating on me, it made me stronger

Thank you for...
Breaking me down emotionally, it made my skin tougher

Thank you for...
Verbally abusing me, it made me realize I can make myself happy

Thank you for...
Treating me poorly, now I can appreciate being treated well

Thank you for...
The hate you showed me, I learned I can not love a person past their pain

Thank you for...
The wounds you inflicted, the scars make for good stories

Thank you for...
Isolating me from my family and friends, it forced me to work on myself

Thank you for...
The money struggles, I now appreciate my good finances

Thank you for...
Making me feel inferior, I revel in my nearly drama-free existence

Thank you for...
Forcing me through all of it, because now…

I am a whole person and I am healed.

© 2008 KayC, The Quiet Storm