Monday, September 28, 2009

How I'm Feeling...I'm only ONE Woman

Lately I am being pulled into many different directions and sometimes I forget that I am only ONE woman and need to politely decline when people ask for my help. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem lending a hand or my expertise when needed but sometimes I forget to take care of self.

Forgetting to take care of self first is also a problem in my personal life. I have to remind myself that I am worthy of being the "one and only" and when I choose to give of myself I give fully, whole-heartedly and without reservation. It is simply me, the essence of who I am. My next loveship will appreciate that about me.

You never have to worry about my love
as long as you're taking care of business with my heart
see i'm the kind of girl
to dedicate my world
and you gotta give me all you got
i need it all baby every drop

I tell the men I meet that I am a show me kind of girl. Talk is good, I appreciate good conversation and you must give "good phone" if you want to get to know me. But know I watch what you do as well as what you say. I love small gestures, the text that says you're running a little late. The shoulder rubs as we stand in line at the movie theater. Trust me, I am paying attention...

you got to show me
and mean the words you say
its not a game for me baby
its just not that way

I have truly enjoyed meeting the men who have come across my path. Some of them are meant to be only friends and I make sure to communicate that so there are no misunderstandings. A few others I have had to clarify that you must get to know me first, invest the time to become my friend before we can possibly become anything else. It speaks volumes to me when a man remembers details from our conversations.

I'm only one woman baby
treat me like a lady
you gotta take the time to show me
that i'm your one and only
I'm only one woman baby
and i need a one woman man

When he invests time to watch a football game with me (yes, I said football - college preferably), discuss the latest music and my interest in dance. When a man makes time for me, when he starts to invest quality time into this one woman, know that he is important to me and I will do the same.

you never have to wonder if i care
if you're sharing the way i feel for love you know i'm real
i'm the kind of girl to dedicate my world
but you gotta give me all you got
i need it all every drop

I was beginning to settle for not quite good enough because I began to think I could not have everything I needed. The disappointments were coming in tidal waves and I began to think that what I receiving was good enough for me to live with. Sadly, I thought I could thrive on what was handed to me half-heartedly when I was willing to give so much more of myself.

i'm only one woman baby (i'm just a woman)
treat me like a lady (i'm not your ordinary girl)
you gotta take the time to show me (you got to be down for me)
that i'm your one and only (the woman in your world)
i'm only one woman baby (i'm just one woman)
and i need a one woman man

I am only ONE woman. I can only do so much but what I can absolutely control is who I choose to give any of myself to, who I choose to share my life with if it is friendship or so much more. Settling is not something I want to do, especially when I am not holding back on my love and or giving of who I am.

I get it. People will take what you offer without a second thought if you let them. Some people will take from you until there is nothing left to give and then they will move on to the next unexpecting person to receive more. It is up to me to choose wisely, I can not blame anyone but myself.

Like Jade sang so many years ago...I'm only one woman, baby. And I need a ONE WOMAN MAN!!!

*Here is the video if that Jade reference was before your time ;-)

Peace & Blessings...

Friday, September 18, 2009

My World in Zeros and Ones...

"Your world is zeros and ones," he said.

"Zeros and ones?" I asked.

He smiled at me then replied, "Yes, everything is very cut and dry with you. Either black or white. Like I said...zeros and ones."

That was a recent conversation with a friend when he laughed after I said our lines are becoming blurred. I seriously thought about what he said and why my world consists of zeros and ones. A former friend used to tell me all the time that I lived in a world of black and white with no shades of grey.

Funny, I think back to my failed marriage and realize that I lived in shades in grey for almost a decade. For 10 years I lived a life of constant doubt. Not knowing if I would come home to find half the closets empty or if I would get an earful because some random guy decided to stare at me as we walked by. Life was a constant shade of grey until late 2007.

Now I find that there is safety is black and white. There is a comfort in living within a world of zeros and ones. I like to know what I am getting, like to have a firm grasp of the situation before I allow myself to jump into the deep end. My way of trying to protect myself from blatant hurt is to know as much as possible before making a decision.

I do not close myself off from love and have worked hard to leave my cold exterior with my former last name. Throughout the past 2 years I have become more social, more open to new things, new people and new experiences, but I prefer to have my life in zeros and ones. I like surprises...but not ALL surprises!

Peace & Blessings...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Therapy on Hardwoods

Everyone has a vice. It is that thing that helps you through a bad day at work, a bad week or a bad situation. That one thing you look forward to at the end of the day when you start the journey home. For me it is dance...I call it my "therapy on hardwoods."

The past few weeks have been rough. My mother has been lying to me about several situations and work has me stretched really thin with no pay raise in sight. I was in desperate need to just lay it all down for a few hours. Luckily I have the perfect outlet.

A friend and I have a standard dance date during the week and we both needed each other to help us forget the woes of the world. About halfway through the night he commented that I "haven't thought about it all night, right?" He was right, I had not thought about my troubles until he asked about them. I danced myself into a happy stupor with Salsa, Meringue and Bachatta all night.

Some of my usual dance partners were there and I gained some new ones before the night was over. A couple of days later we did it all again at another location. This is my new therapy, I have a love and appreciation that makes me want to learn more and get better at it. If something can make you forget the rest of the world, why not keep doing it? It is a constructive vice...I think I may just keep it. Continue to get better at it. My therapy on hardwoods.

My vice is Salsa...what is yours?

Peace & Blessings...