Friday, December 30, 2011

Leaving the Past...NOT Always Easy

Just when you think you have it are...tested. Taken through the flames you once walked through with vigor. You find yourself face to face with the same demons you thought you conquered. The same things you thought you had killed, dismembered and buried deep where there would never surface again.

Sometimes those demons come back to haunt you.

God has shown me that He (or She, whatever you prefer and whomever you worship) is in total control of my life. I showed my hand to God and He (or She) laughed at my ridiculous thoughts and vision of my future. I now know that things are in my future that I had no idea I would be blessed to have but at the same time I also know that the remnants of my previous marriage still haunt me.

It seems like every time I think I am healed, when I truly feel as if I can walk facing forward, something reminds me why I am in this place at this time. Right now it is all financial. My trust in someone that did not deserve a dime had me close to financial ruin and it seems no matter how much I try, those financial demons shape my current situation.

I try so hard not to be bitter but there are times when my humanity gets the best of me and I HATE HIM FOR IT!!! Then I hate that I was so quick to be done with him that I accepted all the debt and let him out free as a bird to enjoy life with his next wife.

While they seem to be doing extremely well (I know things are not always what they seem) I am haunted by his financial irresponsibility and my stupidity in mixing my finances with his. And now, years later I am still struggling with those choices.

It effects

I eagerly await the day when I can fully walk away from those bad choices. The choices that have me in a place that is currently keeping me from things I need to do. The financial issues that are now shaping my views on relationships. I need to get a handle on this before it ruins my current blessing.

Don't get me wrong, I am a stickler for budgets and I do not waste money. But it so hard to dig yourself out of a hole when you don't make much and prices in an unstable economy fluctuate like the wind.

Leaving the past behind not always easy.

I MUST learn how to do it.


What I have learned...make your choices carefully.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Monday, December 5, 2011

From Good to Great

My birthday month was very good to me. I celebrated with friends who have known me since...before life was complicated. When life was about going to school and your job was making decent grades. I swear time speeds up as you get older. It does not seem like I have known those two for 22 years.

Life is good. I still have a job, a roof over my head and doing things I enjoy. With the current US housing situation I will be in my home for a while but having great credit is making me stay put instead of abandoning my home to jump on some of the great housing deals that are out here like other folks. It perplexes me that people think it's a good idea to abandon their home to get another one. There should be some kind of serious consequences to doing this. They're only adding to the already bad situation.

Anyway, there is not much missing from my life. At this point I am re-evaluating what it takes to change my life from good to great.

This life is too short for it to simply be 'good.'

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...