Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Storm Breaker...You Better Come Get Santa

I have my silly cousin to thank for this one. She sent it to me via text message and I literally burst out laughing and sent it to a few friends. Life has been way too serious lately so I hope this Storm Breaker makes you LOL as well!

You Better Come Get Santa!

You better come get Santa before I F@ck him up. He is outside my door screaming "Ho, Ho, Ho" and I keep telling him you're not here!!!

Imagine receiving that in your text message inbox. My cousin is stupid! Merry Christmas Everyone ;-)

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, December 21, 2009

My Letter to Santa 2009

Dear Santa,

This year has been a whirlwind. As I look out into the cold rain that has engulfed my window I humbly ask for the ability to keep it together. To have the strength to help my mother through her trying times as well as the eloquence to communicate in a way that will be thought provoking yet mild enough to penetrate her thick shell.

I ask for continued blessings for my sister and her family. My niece is growing by leaps and bounds and I ask for her continued happiness, joy and growth to become a wonderful young lady. Understanding for my baby brother and sister that they know I think of them often even if we are apart. The courage for them (or myself) to pick up a phone to hear each others voices while we have the ability to do so.

Peace of mind for my cousins as they battle their own demons and find their place in this world. I ask for the ability to find my footing and keep my roots as things continue to push against me. Flexibility as I stretch and hopefully not break under the pressures of everyday life.

There are many things I can ask for...the winning lottery numbers for the $140 million, new car, new job. But at the end of the day none of that really matters.

I humbly ask for the things that me.

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, December 14, 2009

New Music from Sade...Soldier of Love

After a decade the band (who toured as Sweetback during the singer's hiatis) and the lady who provided the namesake have reunited. Many thought it was a rumor for a long time but the first single has its official release and I admit I kind of liked it immediately. It reminds me of Prince in his days of Purple.Rain with hard drum beats and a catchy melody.

Her voice seems to be different. A little deeper and a little less smooth. Kind of hard to tell but I wonder if age has changed it? Either is the much anticipated new single from Sade.

Peace & Blessings...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Get Your Foot OFF My Neck!

I was floating. Literally.

The last few weeks had me floating on air. There was a smile on my face, a spring in my step and a glow that had not been there for quite some time. Without warning, without regard I suddenly feel like this picture.

Whoever said "words can never hurt me" flat out lied. Words have hurt me, rocked my unexpected happy-go-lucky-self like a buckshot straight to the gut. It shocked me back to that dark place, full of doubt, fear and self-questioning. Just when I had made it out, when it no longer hurt I am slung back into defense mode.

I knew there would trials and tribulations. It is not fair to judge before knowing all sides of the story but it is hard not to jump to conclusions when the negative seems like the truth. When you are back in a position that ended so badly the first go around.

This time...I need to handle it better. This time...I need to calm myself and seek peace before seeking the truth. This matter the outcome, I will be okay when the world gets it's foot OFF my neck!!!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Random Thunderstorms...(Great Cinematic Moments)

Fellow blogger Don issued a friendly challenge for me to list my all time favorite unforgettable on screen moments. I absolutely love movies, everything about them from the opening sequence to the choice of how the credits roll. These are my all-time favorite moments...(this was not an easy list to compile) in no particular order:

Gone With The Wind...Scarlett O'Hara asking Rhett Butler to stay with her after years of being selfish and she asks "Where will I go? What will I do?" Rhett looks at her while standing in the open doorway and says "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." and walks out. Classic cinema. It doesn't get much better than that.

The Usual Suspects...The last scene of the movie when Kevin Spacey has told his entire story and he explains that Kaiser will disappear "And like that" (he blows his lips and makes a gesture with his hand) "He's gone." The film fades to black and the credits roll. One of the best mystery/thriller scenes ever put on film.

Runaway Bride...Richard Gere explains how he should have proposed to his wife. "I promise that there will be bad times. I promise that one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also promise that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life." No explanation needed.

Renaissance Man...Khalil Kain having a conversation with his teacher (Danny DeVito) and he tells him "He who increases knowledge increases sorrow." DeVito looks at him puzzled and asks him if Shakespeare wrote it. He nods his head and says "The Bible. Even Shakespeare has his superior." Great movie, great cast. Greatly overlooked.

Love Jones...Larenz Tate and Isaiah Washington are talking about love. Washington says to Tate "Everybody keeps talking about falling in love. Falling in love ain't shit. Somebody tell me how to stay there." One of my absolute favorite movies.

The Perfect Murder...I know it's a remake but when Paltrow says to Douglas "What's the matter honey? You don't seem happy to see me." Classic.

Notting Hill...Julia Roberts is standing in front of Hugh Grant and says "I'm just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her." A classic moment in love stories. This movie also has one of the best montages of time change I have ever seen. It is innovative, packed full of detail yet so simplistic it can easily be overlooked.

I watch a lot of movies. These were just a few 'great cinematic scenes' from the top of my head. I'm sure if I took my time and really thought about it, I would have a totally different list...well, The Usual Suspects will always be there ;-)

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, November 30, 2009

My Birthday Reflections 2009...Part II (with pics & video)

I have run out of adjectives to describe how great November 21, 2009 turned out to be. This post is an attempt to share with my blog family how wonderful this day was. It started out with a theater call at 10:30 that morning. The cast always gathers with a prayer on stage and this time we also had a "Happy Birthday" song to yours truly. I enjoyed every second of it.

Silliness at dress rehearsal on Thursday and Friday:

Broke in my new camera behind the scenes.
The percussionist I mentioned earlier:

After the show - Salsa band was entertaining the crowd:

The birthday cake and Salsa were fabulous:

We got in a few Ruedas (A Cuban style of Salsa):

Thanks to my friend I also have a short clip of Salsa dancing with one of my instructors. He kept me and another one of my Salsera sistergirls moving through a few songs :-)

For my first party it was absolutely beyond words. These are just a few snapshots of the fun had by all during the day. I have photos of genuine laughter and smiles that I will cherish for years to come. I thank God for the gift of choosing great friends and allowing me to attract wonderful people. My signature drink the "KC" purple Martini was a hit and yes, I had my fair share ;-)

As I woke up on Sunday morning to rush off to my friend's birthday brunch and spend time with my family who came from out of town I felt an unbelievable sense of love, accomplishment and pure joy. For all of those things, I will eternally be grateful...

Peace & Blessings...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

My Birthday Reflections 2009

I try to sit back on every birthday and reflect on the year. Each year is monumental to me but this year I celebrate my birthday doing things I never thought I would do.

I start my birthday as a performer and entertainer. A desire I never thought I would actually get a chance to fulfill and here I am on the other side of 30 on stage and enjoying every minute with people I like to be around.

This year I am also celebrating by throwing myself a birthday party. This party is a first for me, so I am nervous and excited at once. But the plan is to enjoy each moment as it comes and dance my ass off. I have a hot new dress, new boots and new ballroom shoes to get my Salsa on!!! I plan to be dragged off the dance floor kicking and screaming ;-) After a 2 hour show and dancing at the party I'm not sure I'll be able to walk for a few days but I plan to have fun wearing out my legs.

This year I have found roots that help me keep my sanity in a world where you are destined to go insane. I have found different levels of love with friends and fam that make me appreciate who I am and the struggles that it took to get me there. I am finally comfortable in my own skin and I am told that it shows when I walk into a room.

This year I have built a solid foundation. This year I have worked on finding ME and I can finally see who she is, what she wants and what she needs. This year I have reclaimed myself, the woman I am and the woman I am destined to become. It has not been easy and it has not been without dissapointment, heartache, headache, sadness, loneliness and the occassional tears.

Now that I have my foundation and I have found myself, maybe next year true love will find me? Even if it doesn' has been one hell of a ride!!!

I have chosen to not sit it out and let the world pass me by. My choice is to participate. Hopefully, I will always choose to dance...

Peace & Blessings...

Friday, November 13, 2009

Storm Breaker...How I Learned to Mind My Own Business

Man, I should have started doing Storm Breakers a long time ago. My job is serving up umlimited amounts of stress and my birthday is not coming fast enough! Life is exhausting right now. A perfect day for a Storm Breaker and this was forwarded to me via email on a day I really needed it. My friends are straight fools...I truly love them!

How I Learned to Mind My Own Business

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all of the patients were outside shouting "13...13...13..."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks,so I looked through to see what was going on. Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting "14...14...14..."

Like I friends are straight fools ;-)

Peace & Blessings...

Friday, October 30, 2009

Never Knew Love Like This

I can not remember a time in my life when I have felt so...loved. In approximately three weeks I will celebrate a birthday. Each year is special to me, I treat it like my own personal holiday because my Grandmother instilled it in me to do so. She always told me "this is your day, celebrate it and own it."

This year I am celebrating in very large ways, ironically each one had very little planning on my part. I will start off celebrating on stage with an ensemble of world-class percussionists. My performance group will be putting on the "best of" appropriate for my birthday. (BTW, if you want to purchase an ad for the program, let me know) So even though I will spend the majority of the day in the theater (theater call is at 10 a.m.) I can not think of a better way to celebrate a wonderful year.

If that is not enough, a friend has agreed to turn his wine bar into a Salsa club for the night. Complete with a live band that I absolutely adore. All of this came to be because people were willing to rearrange their schedules to help me celebrate. I am overflowing with joy and excitement!!!

I even have a signature drink for the night on the menu named after me and Purple.Rain!

As I reflect on this past year and the ups and downs of it all, I can not express enough how much those laughs, tears, love and memories have meant to me. As my excitement grows I am reminded that although I never knew love like this, the best is still yet to come!

Friday, October 23, 2009

My Beautiful Surprise...

Beautiful surprises...this past year my life has been full of surprises. Sometimes we forget how fortunate we are because we are busy comparing our lives to what we think it should be. There are few coincidences in life. If you believe that God is in control how can anything be a coincidence? A beautiful surprise but not a coincidence.

I was talking to a girlfriend who I have recently reconnected with. We were bonding over getting into the dating scene after being married when she shared something profound with me. She described a man she recently spent time with like this "I only want him if God wants me to have him."

How often we forget our plans are not our own. We end up frustrated because we are trying to hold on to things that God himself is trying to take away. After my conversation with my girl, I remembered how people seem to cross to my path. How I always end up 'coincidentally' meeting people that I previously saw in passing. Always a coincidence? I don't think so, not anymore.

I am making a conscious effort to stop relying on other people to justify how I feel, what I think about someone and who I should/should not spend time with. I am learning that taking one day at a time and enjoying each moment for as long as I can is doing wonders for my spirit.

I am stopping to enjoy all of my beautiful surprises...

Beautiful Surprise - India.Arie

Beautiful Surprise

It's like yesterday
I didn't even know your name
Now today
You're always on my mind
I never could have predicted that I feel this way
You are beautiful surprise
Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You've got me on a natural high
It's almost like I didn't even have a choice
You are a beautiful surprise

Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we are written in the stars
I don't know what the future holds
But I'm living in the moment
And I'm thankful for the man that you are, you are, you are

You are everything I ask for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You are a beautiful surprise
You are an inspiration to my life
You are the reason why I smile
You are a beautiful surprise

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Storm Breaker...Cussing at Work

One of my boys (yes, women have boys as well) sent me this and it made me laugh out loud during a hard day. Hope this Storm Breaker makes you laugh as well...something to help you through the Monday work day.

Cussing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,

Human Resources

LOL - If only Human Resources was/could be as innovative and forward thinking as this!

Peace & Blessings...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Growing Roots

I have learned so much about myself in the last 2 years since I started this blog. The most important thing to me right now is I have been in my home for an entire year. I am not waiting on that dreadful letter to be taped to my front door telling me my rent will increase by X amount of dollars. Nor am I dreading the move to another location because I have awful neighbors.

This year I have become part of a community. I can walk the furbaby and talk with my neighbors. I can paint my walls, plant that much anticipated rose garden and try my green thumb at growing Calla Lilies. I can replace the flooring and decorate without worrying about losing my deposit.

What I am trying to say is that I finally have roots. I am stable in this place and time and it is a very different feeling for me. It grounds me in a way that I have never known. I look forward to coming home and have a few favorite spots around the house that makes me kick back and forget the world.

I have reconnected with family and friends as well as found comfort in myself again. I can see it in the pictures I take, my hair is shinier, my skin is brighter and life just seems better. I am attracting people who should be around me and I can sense when I need to politely keep them at bay. I am comfortable with my feelings, my shortcomings and learning that not each day will be sunshine but each day will bring growth.

Can you pick me out in the diva heels?

I know that not every relationship will last forever but that I should enjoy it while it does and try to be as happy as I can for as long as I can. I have learned that each experience shapes you, each relationship makes you grow and if you are lucky love finds you along the way.

I am growing roots and it feels great...

Peace & Blessings...

Friday, October 9, 2009

Storm Breaker...Little Boy on the Bus

Since life gives us enough to stress/worry about I am putting a little more laughter into The Storm. When the feeling hits or when I get a great forward I will post a Storm Breaker. Enjoy the first installment...

Little Boy On A Bus

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man who was a priest said, "I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and 2 grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!"

The priest, getting impatient, said "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

Peace & Blessings...

Friday, October 2, 2009

Random Thunderstorms...(Seriously?)

It has been a minute since I have published a Random Thunderstorm post. I had to get some of these 'seriously' moments down somewhere...

A guy went smooth off on me via text message because I didn't want to hang out with him. Complete with a "I though you were cool, but obviously I WAS WRONG!" text. Seriously? That just reinforced the fact that we should NOT be hanging out and did you REALLY just have a tantrum like a 2 year old via text? SERIOUSLY?!?!

If you are living in someone's house rent-free and you are not working the least you could do is cut the grass and take out the trash. Seriously, they have a brand new riding lawn mower and you're an out-of-work truck driver, I think you can figure it out. Seriously?!?!

If you are living with a woman and only have one bedroom apartment I don't care how 'on the outs' you LIVE WITH SOMEONE!!!! I don't share. Seriously!

Seriously, It rained for almost two weeks here and flash floods took over almost every neighborhood I lived in for the past 20 years. Glad I now live in a different area.

Maybe someone will purchase this for my birthday or Christmas, but I will take this as well, seriously.

Remember that cute drummer from the concert I mentioned here? Well, our paths have crossed a few times and he may join my performance group, seriously! Gotta love fate :-)

It's official, my hair is a man magnet. But at least ask before you attempt to run your fingers through my personal space and experience the kinky, coily, wavy halo growing out my scalp. Seriously!

Remember that cute drummer...oh, said that already *shaking head to clear it* HA! ;-)

I've been in my own place now for one solid year. Seriously, that year flew by!

My baby sister has been keeping in touch via and email since my last visit. Gotta love those networking sites, seriously!

Posted a picture via mobile uploads of myself with one of my fellow Salsa dancers (who happens to be white) and no one said a word. A few weeks later posted another picture via mobile uploads with one of my favorite bartenders (who happens to be black) at one of my Salsa spots. Now everyone is asking about the black guy. Seriously? Y'all just nosy and closed-minded! The really funny part is both pictures were taken in the same location!!!

Nothing like getting a text message out of the blue. My favorite ones are the "Hi, I was just thinking of you. How is your day?" messages. Seriously!

You know you can dance when random Cuban guys argue with you about your nationality on the dance floor ;-) I am NOT a Cubano, but one taught me how to dance. Think I'll put that on a shirt, LOL!

One of my road dogs is about 10 years older than I am. I attract men in her age range and she attracts men in mine. Wonder if that's why we get along so well? Seriously! Love her to pieces...

If one of your friends had 'relations' with a guy in high school or college when does the statue of limitations wear off? I realized my social circle had a lot of in-dating over the years. Wonder how the spouses feel when the group hangs out? Seriously, do they even care? Do they know? Most of them were 'relations' and not relationships ironically.

Have the writers of True.Blood wrote themselves in a corner? This season sucked compared to last season. Still love me some Lafayette...seriously!

Go Big Blue!!!! Seriously LOVE Michigan football!

Go 'Canes! Even if you did get beat like you stole something. That was a SERIOUS @ss-whooping you received last week!

As much as I LOVE Lenny Kravitz we are in a recession and tickets to his concert (a stand up venue) are $55 plus taxes and fees. SERIOUSLY, I'll pass...

Yes. Seriously!

Monday, September 28, 2009

How I'm Feeling...I'm only ONE Woman

Lately I am being pulled into many different directions and sometimes I forget that I am only ONE woman and need to politely decline when people ask for my help. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem lending a hand or my expertise when needed but sometimes I forget to take care of self.

Forgetting to take care of self first is also a problem in my personal life. I have to remind myself that I am worthy of being the "one and only" and when I choose to give of myself I give fully, whole-heartedly and without reservation. It is simply me, the essence of who I am. My next loveship will appreciate that about me.

You never have to worry about my love
as long as you're taking care of business with my heart
see i'm the kind of girl
to dedicate my world
and you gotta give me all you got
i need it all baby every drop

I tell the men I meet that I am a show me kind of girl. Talk is good, I appreciate good conversation and you must give "good phone" if you want to get to know me. But know I watch what you do as well as what you say. I love small gestures, the text that says you're running a little late. The shoulder rubs as we stand in line at the movie theater. Trust me, I am paying attention...

you got to show me
and mean the words you say
its not a game for me baby
its just not that way

I have truly enjoyed meeting the men who have come across my path. Some of them are meant to be only friends and I make sure to communicate that so there are no misunderstandings. A few others I have had to clarify that you must get to know me first, invest the time to become my friend before we can possibly become anything else. It speaks volumes to me when a man remembers details from our conversations.

I'm only one woman baby
treat me like a lady
you gotta take the time to show me
that i'm your one and only
I'm only one woman baby
and i need a one woman man

When he invests time to watch a football game with me (yes, I said football - college preferably), discuss the latest music and my interest in dance. When a man makes time for me, when he starts to invest quality time into this one woman, know that he is important to me and I will do the same.

you never have to wonder if i care
if you're sharing the way i feel for love you know i'm real
i'm the kind of girl to dedicate my world
but you gotta give me all you got
i need it all every drop

I was beginning to settle for not quite good enough because I began to think I could not have everything I needed. The disappointments were coming in tidal waves and I began to think that what I receiving was good enough for me to live with. Sadly, I thought I could thrive on what was handed to me half-heartedly when I was willing to give so much more of myself.

i'm only one woman baby (i'm just a woman)
treat me like a lady (i'm not your ordinary girl)
you gotta take the time to show me (you got to be down for me)
that i'm your one and only (the woman in your world)
i'm only one woman baby (i'm just one woman)
and i need a one woman man

I am only ONE woman. I can only do so much but what I can absolutely control is who I choose to give any of myself to, who I choose to share my life with if it is friendship or so much more. Settling is not something I want to do, especially when I am not holding back on my love and or giving of who I am.

I get it. People will take what you offer without a second thought if you let them. Some people will take from you until there is nothing left to give and then they will move on to the next unexpecting person to receive more. It is up to me to choose wisely, I can not blame anyone but myself.

Like Jade sang so many years ago...I'm only one woman, baby. And I need a ONE WOMAN MAN!!!

*Here is the video if that Jade reference was before your time ;-)

Peace & Blessings...

Friday, September 18, 2009

My World in Zeros and Ones...

"Your world is zeros and ones," he said.

"Zeros and ones?" I asked.

He smiled at me then replied, "Yes, everything is very cut and dry with you. Either black or white. Like I said...zeros and ones."

That was a recent conversation with a friend when he laughed after I said our lines are becoming blurred. I seriously thought about what he said and why my world consists of zeros and ones. A former friend used to tell me all the time that I lived in a world of black and white with no shades of grey.

Funny, I think back to my failed marriage and realize that I lived in shades in grey for almost a decade. For 10 years I lived a life of constant doubt. Not knowing if I would come home to find half the closets empty or if I would get an earful because some random guy decided to stare at me as we walked by. Life was a constant shade of grey until late 2007.

Now I find that there is safety is black and white. There is a comfort in living within a world of zeros and ones. I like to know what I am getting, like to have a firm grasp of the situation before I allow myself to jump into the deep end. My way of trying to protect myself from blatant hurt is to know as much as possible before making a decision.

I do not close myself off from love and have worked hard to leave my cold exterior with my former last name. Throughout the past 2 years I have become more social, more open to new things, new people and new experiences, but I prefer to have my life in zeros and ones. I like surprises...but not ALL surprises!

Peace & Blessings...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Therapy on Hardwoods

Everyone has a vice. It is that thing that helps you through a bad day at work, a bad week or a bad situation. That one thing you look forward to at the end of the day when you start the journey home. For me it is dance...I call it my "therapy on hardwoods."

The past few weeks have been rough. My mother has been lying to me about several situations and work has me stretched really thin with no pay raise in sight. I was in desperate need to just lay it all down for a few hours. Luckily I have the perfect outlet.

A friend and I have a standard dance date during the week and we both needed each other to help us forget the woes of the world. About halfway through the night he commented that I "haven't thought about it all night, right?" He was right, I had not thought about my troubles until he asked about them. I danced myself into a happy stupor with Salsa, Meringue and Bachatta all night.

Some of my usual dance partners were there and I gained some new ones before the night was over. A couple of days later we did it all again at another location. This is my new therapy, I have a love and appreciation that makes me want to learn more and get better at it. If something can make you forget the rest of the world, why not keep doing it? It is a constructive vice...I think I may just keep it. Continue to get better at it. My therapy on hardwoods.

My vice is Salsa...what is yours?

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, August 31, 2009

Reflect, Regroup and Recharge

I recently ran away. I hadn't ran away in quite some time but I was in desperate need of a change in my scenery, change in the way I think and the way I go about my day. Things were bubbling up and I was about to blow so I took my cousin up on her offer to ride down to Florida to see the family.

I had not seen some of my family in years. My niece was a tiny baby the last time I saw her so I threw my stuff into an overnight bag, drove the furbaby to the kennel and off we went.

I did not realize how worn out I was until we got there and uncorked a good bottle of wine and started to laugh with my cousins, my aunties and my mother. Our impromptu Salsa class was hilarious. Nothing like my auntie and mother trying to salsa when they have been puffing on cancer sticks all day! I wore them out without breathing hard ;-)

My brother-in-law always treats me to home cooked meals and this time I was delighted to accompany them to my niece's first trip to the beach. I am so in love with this little girl. She was not pleased with the sand that was hard to walk in or the crashing of the waves but she loved the sights and sounds. This was my first time in over a decade visiting the beach that was such a big part of my childhood. We went to the soft side where the waves were small and I stuck my feet in the water and let the tide wash my troubles away.

I am not sure how long I stood there watching the waves bury my feet in the sand and laughing at my niece who was having no parts of the cool water but I enjoyed every minute. My spirit was soothed with each crashing wave. It was a wonderful day, overcast with a cool wind.

I even saw my younger siblings who are now taller than I am. A shame it has been four years since we last set eyes on each other. When my little (and I use the term relatively) brother called me ma'am my heart sank. Ma'am, really? I almost threw my shoe at him :-) But I now have my little (again, used relatively) sister's email so hopefully we can keep in touch better.

As we drove back home Sunday afternoon my spirit was lighter and I realized I had just been fed a big helping of what I was missing for a long time. All is right with the world...

Peace & Blessings...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Clarity and Colorgenics

I have been in a funk lately. A good old-fashioned don't-push-me-'cause-I-might-revert-to-my-ghetto-roots-and-cut-you funk. My job has given me more work than 2 1/2 people can manage in a 40 hour work week to utilize my skill set during our budget cuts. At the same time giving me more events to plan and things to coordinate.

My person of interest has shown me he may not be worthy of half the attention I am giving him. The few others who have captured my attention are either dying of a terminal disease, much older than I would date or already have women in their lives. Let me tell you dear Blog family, KayC does not play the other woman. Woooo-saaaahhhhhh!

After having an extremely frustrating work week (I know it's only Thursday) and informing one of the men in my life that I am done trying to persuade people to spend time with me, you either want to or you don't I danced myself happy on the Salsa floor and tried my best to sweat out my natural curls. Luckily I found great dance partners and danced myself silly for a few hours. LOVE this photo. We danced for 5 straight songs until we both said "No Mas!" He also taught me how to do triple turns *doing my happy dance.

I ran across this post on Colorgenics via Thoughts of an ADHD Drama Queen and decided to try it for myself. Amazing how accurate it is and I think it pretty much sums it up. What do you think?

Name: KayC, The Quiet Storm
Date: 8/20/2009

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding - especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

I am going to enjoy some live jazz tonight in another effort to work hard AND play hard. Not sure where this current journey is taking me, but Lord knows it is humbling. You can try Colorgenics for yourself here.

Until I gain some type of clarity at this point of my life journey...

Peace & Blessings...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

At This Moment

At this moment in time
All I know is that I need you with me
I yearn for you with everything that I am
Everything I was and everything I will be

At this moment in time
Right now, right here
My mind digs deeper with the memories of you
And daydreams of our bodies being entangled
where one mind, body, soul give way to two

At this moment in time
Memories just simply won’t due
I want to submerge myself and swim in each second that passes with you
Where legs, arms and minds weave together and eight hours seem like two

At this moment in time
I want you to run your fingers through my hair
and the sensation of your fingers on my scalp
makes me loose my train of thought...
What was I saying?

At this moment in time
Your beautiful face is forever burned into my brain
Your touch is stored in my psyche
Your kiss is etched on my skin
Your hug keeps me long after you let go

At this moment in time
I know that I need/like/love/want/desire you
At this moment in time
I realize you are not a reason nor a season
At this moment in time
I simply want you to be mine.

Copyright 2009 - KayC, The Quiet Storm

Peace & Blessings...

Friday, August 7, 2009

Honest Scrap Award

My blog sistergirl Ms.KnowItAll bestowed this honor upon me. I LOVE gifts and surprises so I am honored to fulfill my obligation.

Here are the rules...

1) Brag about it...
Brag? Who, me? *Breakin' it down to the Jacksons - Can you feel it? Can you feel it? CAN YOU FEEL IT!*

(2) Choose seven blogs I find brilliant and link to them, and..
Hmmm....I think the people who would participate have already been tagged. Besides if you follow The Storm or read it regularly you know I don't do chain letters. Good or bad.

(3) List 10 honest things about myself...

- I like finding out people's stories. Why they think the way they do. What life events brought them to this place in this time.

- I have never dated outside my race. I'm not opposed to it, just never happened. I'm sure this will change soon...

- Having a mundane desk job where I do the same thing every day is about as fun for me as having a molar pulled.

- I was the kid who got teased growing up, because of this I do not believe in picking on people, even if it is in good fun.

- I love non-mainstream music. Jazz, local artists and great live bands.

- The best date I ever had involved a man turning his bar into a homemade movie theater for just the two of us.

- The second best date I ever had was a long impromtu walk in the park with great conversation.

- I get bored with my job around year 3, my current job is starting to bore's year 4!

- I've never had a birthday party as an adult. That will change this year, I'm throwing myself a birthday bash. I have MUCH to celebrate!

- The only 'girlie' obessession I have is shoes. I LOVE cute shoes. Bring on the stilettos, sneakers and flats!

Peace & Blessings...

Friday, July 31, 2009

Only Two Years...What Would You Do?

"You just happened to happen to me."

Two people on two separate occasions told me this. They quoted each other word for word. God has a wicked sense of humor.

One of them I met a little while ago while Salsa dancing and there was an instant ease between us that made me not think twice about giving him my number or hanging out with him and his friends. We started to hang out every few days and continue to meet at the local spots to dance.

We met for dancing, dinner and movies. There were walks through the park and great conversation. No pressure for romance, no pressure to make anything out of it. We agreed to just let whatever happens happen. I was enjoying it and thinking about the possibilities when we had a conversation that started like this:

"I need to tell you something. But it will change our relationship forever."

The creative mind in me instantly thought of everything. Marriage, drugs, lifestyle, etc. I could never fathom that the person who was quickly becoming my friend and maybe something else was dying.

"I have stage IV terminal cancer."

Nothing could have prepared me for that. Terminal? Two years? WTH?!?!?!

He was right. It did permanently change us. I am a lot of things and loyal to a fault is one of them. Having an extremely large heart and being a nurturer is another. I wonder what could of been...might have been...what could possibly be. Forming a relationship with someone who is terminally ill is like walking under a guillotine and waiting for it to fall.

One year. According to his doctor's schedule he has one year left. Is it fair to withdraw from someone over something that is beyond their control? Is it fair to get involved with someone when you know the outcome is not favorable? It was not a choice, no one chooses to die in their 30s. No one chooses to die with a 4 year old daughter who is too young to remember them.

Imagine...what would you feel if someone told you they wanted to spend their last year alive getting to know you better? I can't help but wonder what my lesson is in this. Something has to come out of this experience.

What would YOU do?

Peace & Blessings...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Letting Him Lead, Learning to Follow

Dancing has taught me that I did not know how to let a man lead. Salsa is all about the woman learning to follow. If he steps back, you step forward, if he lifts his arm, you turn. Don't watch your feet, trust your partner to lead you. Relax your arms and let him lead you through a series of intricate arm movements and spins, just keep your steps with your feet. When in doubt, back rock. If you do not learn to follow it looks awkward and both people stop dancing. It does not flow, there is no rhythm and no grace.

I remember my first Salsa class, "Just relax your arms. Let me lead. Just follow" my instructor said to me in his strong Cuban accent. I couldn't get it at first. What did he mean relax? I am relaxed! I couldn't make it flow, I couldn't make it pretty and graceful like I had seen other couples do on the dance floor.

Salsa is a lot like life.

I first learned a type of Salsa style called Casino or Casino de Rueda where couples dance in a circle with a caller and you are constantly changing partners. Like real life you can fake anything in a group, the same is true for Salsa - following in a group is easy to fake because you know the steps and what the man is going to do. But the minute you step out of the group and start to dance freestyle with a partner is when the truth comes out. When people can see that you can not follow.

But when you surrender...the minute it clicks and you "Just relax and follow" it becomes a beautiful dance between two people. When you have a strong lead and a great follower people will stop to watch. They will admire the fluidity that comes through. It becomes a beautiful thing when you are letting him lead as you learn to follow...

I get it now.! I was dancing recently to a great live salsa band and my partner and I was in a groove. My partner was enjoying the music so much he spun me out too far and I followed. He had to come and get me.

He looks up and says in a strong Cuban accent "Hey, where did you go?" My answer? "You spun me out there. I was just following!" We both laughed and continued to enjoy the music and dance to a live version of this song:

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Why I Dance...

I've had many people ask questions about my choice to take up dance so late in life. They say "Yeah, that's cool" while giving me the side-eye and indifferent body language when they hear my answers.

Typically as Blacks/African-Americans/Afro-Americans (whichever you prefer) we do not delve into other cultures. We typically have no interest in learning about other people. I have always had a curiosity of other cultures, other languages and other people. Growing up I wanted to take dance, gymnastics, girl's scouts...all the things that wold require you to meet other people from other backgrounds. Unfortunately, growing up as an only child with a single mother there was no "extra" money to do any of those things. Money became even tighter after I started college and non-existent throughout my marriage.

Finally when the opportunity presented itself, I jumped at the chance to take dance, ballet, jazz, African, modern and that opportunity led to free Salsa lessons which led to free Bachata and Meringue. Yep, all of it is free!

Now as I get deeper into dance and want to improve my technique I think I will finally pay for an advanced class. That is only after two years of dance. Why do I dance? Because I finally get to fulfill a long-term desire and a longed for dream.

Dancing has placed incredible people in my path that I would not have met otherwise. And above all else...even when I am having a horrific day (like last Wednesday) I can go to a free Salsa event and the minute a man (many of whom I have never met) leads me into that first turn, a smile magically appears on my face and I forget all the B.S. in life and just enjoy that moment for every uplifting feeling it brings.

THAT is why I Dance!

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, July 13, 2009

What do you NEED? A Question Asked & Answered

I made an attempt to answer the questions "Who are YOU?" and "What do YOU want?" in this post. After posting my answers, I received this comment:

if i might ask
what do you need? - Sharon

It caught me off guard but after thinking about it, she was right. If I know who I am and what I want I should have no problems figuring out what I need, right? Wrong!

I immediately thought about needs vs. wants and made my initial list.

I need:

- a roof over my head.
- food in my pantry.
- to pay my bills.
- to fix that leak under my sink before the cabinets mold
- to fix my creaky stairs
- a better paying job

I need...none of those things.

Really, with the exception of the first two I do not NEED to have those things, but would like to have them.

I need to be loved, to be touched/held/entangled with a person who enjoys doing so. I need to wake up every day feeling like my life has a purpose and not wander around aimlessly in a dull routine that feeds my anger and frustration.

I need to see the wagging tail of my furbaby and the antics he comes up with while throwing his unstuffed toys around the house.

I need to laugh at least daily because it makes me feel good.

I need to know that beyond all else, God has a plan for me and has my back when NO ONE seems to understand or care.

I need to know there is something more to this thing we call "life" and the struggle that goes with it.

"What do you NEED?"

Who knew that question would be the most difficult to answer...

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, July 6, 2009

Diggin' Raheem DeVaughn's new CD...It's FREE!

How many artists give their stuff away for free? Really, think about it. In the famous words of Katt Williams "Go ahead...I'll wait!" LOL!

I first mentioned Mr. DeVaughn in my Love List post here. He is one of the artists in my constant Neo-Soul rotation. (Remember when it was simply referred to as R&B?)

Mr. Raheem DeVaughn is one of my favorite artists and he is giving away his new CD for FREE via download. At first I was a little skeptical but after signing up on his new web site you will receive a link that absolutely lets you download his new CD The Art of Noise absolutely free. The 19 free tracks are even accompanied with the cover art.

I must admit a couple of cuts on the album are not my cup of tea, but there are tunes true to Raheem's style that have me hitting the repeat button. A few notables include his remake of Al B. Sure's Night and Day which would be extreme if he would stop talking in the end (still love you Raheem :). There are a few slow cuts Insomnia and Lay Awhile that made my slow jam list and a few bob your head neo-soul cuts that are well worth listening to.

With the price tag of free it is one of the best deals out right now. What do you have to loose?

Download it here.

Peace & Blessings...

Monday, June 29, 2009

Art Imitating Life

My performance group has started practicing for our next show which is on my birthday! This is our "best of" show which revisits all of our favorite dances, music and poetry. Since our cast has changed over the last few years some dances have different choreography.

I have been cast in a dance called "Four Women" to the music of Nina Simone with the same title. Guess who I play? Aunt Sarah! With every thing going on in my life right now I get cast as Aunt Sarah. HA!

Here are the lyrics to my part:

My skin is black
My arms are long
My hair is woolly
My back is strong
Strong enough to take the pain
It’s been inflicted again and again
What do they call me
My name is aunt sarah
My name is aunt sarah

We have practiced this song for the last two weeks and I had a difficult time getting into the mindset of Aunt Sarah. She starts the song which means I set the tone for the entire piece. Black skin? Check. Long arms? Check. Wooly hair? Check. I'm suppose to be strong? Well...uhhh...CHECK!

I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! I can take what life has thrown at me. It is okay to retreat, regroup and reactivate. I forgot the regroup and reactivate part. But it is perfectly normal, it is human and every so often we fall and like babies learning to walk we just sit there and cry about it.

I had to give myself permission to grieve. Grieve for something I desperately wanted and found out I may not have. I have made the journey through the first few steps of the grief process and like everything else in life I will learn from this experience and move on.

I am bent and bruised but will not be broken. Funny, my Artistic Director had no idea what I was going through when she cast me in "Four Women." It is simply art imitating life.

If you haven't heard Four Women:

Four Women - Nina Simone

Peace & Blessings...