Monday, March 29, 2010

Learning to Lead

I mentioned earlier I was invited to join an all-women Salsa performance group. Practices have started and yours truly was picked to be a lead. HA! My friend and I both started at the same time which made it a little less intimidating to join a group of ladies (even though they are very friendly, warm and understanding) who already know the routine. We have a few practices under our belt now and let me tell you blog family leading is NOT easy!

Since learning to dance Salsa I have wanted to learn to lead because there are always an abundance of women at the dance venues. Before joining the performance group, my friends and I vowed to learn to lead because we thought it would be fun. It is fun but very different than following. Parallel life comparison, right?

When you learn to follow it is about leaving your arms loose for the man what he wants to do with you! Your job as a follower is to keep your feet (left, right, left. right, left, least in Casino style Salsa) and not stop dancing.

When you learn to lead it is all about timing. Knowing where your partner is in relation to other people on the floor. Keeping them safe so they will not bump into anyone or get stepped on. Have an idea of what you want your partner to do so the dance is not boring. It is your job to keep your partners steps smooth, know where she is and make her movements flow. Even in a choreographed routine it is about timing, steps and flair in the turns. Taking great care to make your partner look good. Sounds familiar doesn't it?

Similar to life off the dance floor hardwoods leading and following is a difficult challenge to master. It takes a very open-minded individual to go from being a follower to a leader and be able to successfully flip that from a leader to a follower in the next dance. Now that I am learning to lead, I have to make a conscience effort to follow. My instinct is to immediately take the guys hand instead of giving him my own.

I need to make sure in learning to lead I have not forgotten how (and when) to follow.

On and off the dance floor...

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Monday, March 22, 2010

Random Thunderstorms...(Nothing Like It)

There is nothing like looking into the eyes of someone who sees you, gets you and still wants to spend time with you.

The first day the temperature goes above 65 degrees and the sun is shining after a cold winter. There is nothing like that first long walk.

There is nothing like seeing a photo of you knowing you were having a great time and had no clue someone snapped a photo of you.

There is nothing like the first compliment, the first hug or the first kiss of someone you really want to stick around for a while.

There is nothing like that I can't breathe laugh with a group of great friends.

There is nothing in the world like being undressed by someone who knows how to do it.

There is nothing like good memories of a loved one you've lost after the pain is gone.

There is nothing listening to that song on the radio and smiling at the flood of memories that come with it.

There is nothing like knowing it did not work and it was not your fault.

There is nothing like the peace you feel when you wake up in the morning with the sun shining, the birds singing and joy in your heart.

There is nothing like a rainy day, being curled up in the corner of my sofa with a good book and a great cup of something hot.

There is nothing like knowing I have accomplished so much more than the generation before me and knowing my niece will accomplish so much more than I ever could.

There is NOTHING like that feeling...

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Monday, March 15, 2010

Can't Keep Running Away

I am spoiled. I realized in just a short amount of time that a certain someone has spoiled me beyond belief. They can talk to me about anything without being afraid of me running away and I now expect the same from everyone else.

I expect to be able to put it out there and have it put out there in return. Instead, I got the same old games and it is extremely dissapointing. I do not like certain aspects of my life right now. There are a few things I would change and the level of communication I experience is definitely one of them. Surely it is possible to have wonderful verbal communication as well as physical? You don't have to settle for one or the other, right?

Seriously, after a certain age both men and women should be able to plainly ask for what they want, ask for what they need and what they are looking for? They should be able to express how they feel in plain terms without belittling or malicously hurting the other person. Seriously...

At what point, at what age, at what life experience do you can't keep running away?

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Finding (and Keeping) a Life Partner

I was cleaning out my email inbox and came across this article. Not sure I agree with everything said but it is interesting reading. I’m posting only an excerpt (because it does ramble at times) because I am curious to read your opinions…


Excerpt from - Golden rules for finding your life partner...

…"You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line - marry someone who wants the same thing.

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions:

Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask about your Significant Other...

What do they do with their time?
Is this person materialistic?
Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

How do they treat their parents and siblings?
Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it:

"You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse"

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

Another perspective....
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you…

Pay attention.... Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship…

I edited out a few lists because I think as bloggers we have already torn those apart ;-) But what do you think of the questions? Are they valid questions to a long-lasting relationship?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Conquering, Clarity and Closure

I did it. I sat across from the ex-husband over breakfast and got the answer to 'what happened.' It was a little painful. Like taking a bullet when he said he had recently married the woman he cheated with on several occasions. A mere year after our divorce was final he married the woman he dated before we met. The woman he professed to never had loved, had cheated on and swore he did not want. The woman who told me 'his family would always be hers as well.'

I guess she was right.

I do not want him back. I do not pine over him nor do I ever want to develop a friendship with him. I felt it was much needed closure. I wanted to hear what happened to our marriage straight from his mouth. He owed me that after a decade of my life.

It was a feeling of relief and validation that he admitted it was not me and I did nothing wrong. He admitted his immaturity and says he tells people it was him that did stupid things over and over again. I did not expect him to own it and I owned up to my part in the train wreck but to have him say I made him a better man was a low blow.

A low blow because it was not a compliment. How could it be a compliment that I suffered for 10 years to mold you for the next woman to enjoy? Especially one who contributed to the demise? Whew! Let me digress...

It was clarity. I know that it was not me and I know that I did not drive him to make the decisions that were made. It was closure to know that my suspicions of him and her were not in my imagination. It was closure for me to have the courage to tell him to his face the things he did to me were f@cked up! It was closure to walk away with my head held high knowing that I am a better person because of it. I am stronger than I ever thought I was and have grown into a phenomenal woman in spite of him.

I knew this day would come. I knew that one day I would have to face the man that used to have me scared to talk on the phone with my friends or enjoy the company of my fam.

I conquered a major demon. If I can look him in the eye and do that, I can do anything!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Monday, March 1, 2010

Beyond Words

Words to describe you
escape my mind
fear, hope, frustration, fascination
all these things so easy to find

I am so grateful for you
beautiful beyond words
I simply can not describe you

gorgeous silhouette in the darkness
gives me a knew appreciate of men
running my fingers through your hair
I enjoyed each and every moment

The intimacy reached far beyond sex
learned so much about each other
anticipating what comes next...

Copyright 2010 - KayC, The Quiet Storm

There are no coincidences, there is a reason why our paths have crossed. Fear still holds me from jumping. I want to live in a way that allows me to enjoy life but fear still holds me bolted to the floor. It tells me that I do not want to hurt him. He has been through so much already and sadly thinks real love is not for him.

Ironically I have always thought of a woman being the trophy wife or eye candy. Until meeting him I never thought how a man would feel after being treated as eye candy or the boy toy. When we first met I was struck by his looks but after getting to know him he is...such a pleasant surprise. Every time we connect he brings a smile to my face and I am terrified.

I enjoy each interaction with him. He is an amazing person, a wonderful man and simply...beyond words.

(edited to add - I am not sure where this is going or how it will end. It may become just a wonderful friendship but either way my outlook on relationships has been changed for the better)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...