I did it. I sat across from the ex-husband over breakfast and got the answer to 'what happened.' It was a little painful. Like taking a bullet when he said he had recently married the woman he cheated with on several occasions. A mere year after our divorce was final he married the woman he dated before we met. The woman he professed to never had loved, had cheated on and swore he did not want. The woman who told me 'his family would always be hers as well.'
I guess she was right.
I do not want him back. I do not pine over him nor do I ever want to develop a friendship with him. I felt it was much needed closure. I wanted to hear what happened to our marriage straight from his mouth. He owed me that after a decade of my life.
It was a feeling of relief and validation that he admitted it was not me and I did nothing wrong. He admitted his immaturity and says he tells people it was him that did stupid things over and over again. I did not expect him to own it and I owned up to my part in the train wreck but to have him say I made him a better man was a low blow.
A low blow because it was not a compliment. How could it be a compliment that I suffered for 10 years to mold you for the next woman to enjoy? Especially one who contributed to the demise? Whew! Let me digress...
It was clarity. I know that it was not me and I know that I did not drive him to make the decisions that were made. It was closure to know that my suspicions of him and her were not in my imagination. It was closure for me to have the courage to tell him to his face the things he did to me were f@cked up! It was closure to walk away with my head held high knowing that I am a better person because of it. I am stronger than I ever thought I was and have grown into a phenomenal woman in spite of him.
I knew this day would come. I knew that one day I would have to face the man that used to have me scared to talk on the phone with my friends or enjoy the company of my fam.
I conquered a major demon. If I can look him in the eye and do that, I can do anything!
Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...