Monday, March 8, 2010

Conquering, Clarity and Closure

I did it. I sat across from the ex-husband over breakfast and got the answer to 'what happened.' It was a little painful. Like taking a bullet when he said he had recently married the woman he cheated with on several occasions. A mere year after our divorce was final he married the woman he dated before we met. The woman he professed to never had loved, had cheated on and swore he did not want. The woman who told me 'his family would always be hers as well.'

I guess she was right.

I do not want him back. I do not pine over him nor do I ever want to develop a friendship with him. I felt it was much needed closure. I wanted to hear what happened to our marriage straight from his mouth. He owed me that after a decade of my life.

It was a feeling of relief and validation that he admitted it was not me and I did nothing wrong. He admitted his immaturity and says he tells people it was him that did stupid things over and over again. I did not expect him to own it and I owned up to my part in the train wreck but to have him say I made him a better man was a low blow.

A low blow because it was not a compliment. How could it be a compliment that I suffered for 10 years to mold you for the next woman to enjoy? Especially one who contributed to the demise? Whew! Let me digress...

It was clarity. I know that it was not me and I know that I did not drive him to make the decisions that were made. It was closure to know that my suspicions of him and her were not in my imagination. It was closure for me to have the courage to tell him to his face the things he did to me were f@cked up! It was closure to walk away with my head held high knowing that I am a better person because of it. I am stronger than I ever thought I was and have grown into a phenomenal woman in spite of him.

I knew this day would come. I knew that one day I would have to face the man that used to have me scared to talk on the phone with my friends or enjoy the company of my fam.

I conquered a major demon. If I can look him in the eye and do that, I can do anything!

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...


  1. I am most happy for you. May you receive beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3).

  2. Kendra,

    I am so proud of you. I know doing that was not easy but in order to truly put it past you, you faced your fears head on and determined your own path. You did it, girl, you did it.

    If you walk away with nothing from that other than closure, know that conquered the inconquerable with no fear. I'm proud of you.

  3. Don't I know this feeling, all too well.....

    I cannot express in detail how I know this feeling on a blog, but I will say that I wanted to believe what was being said to me. I didn't want to believe otherwise although my better judgement should have prevailed. But, as you stated, once you no longer have that "monkey hanging from your back" you are able to actually breathe a sigh of relief, no longer go back and forth in thought, and look forward to a brighter day.

    This is my truth.

  4. ...Dorothy you always had the power...

    Beleive it or not you did not need that closure from already gave it to yourself by moving your life forward. You weren't waiting for his words to free you. YOU WERE ALREADY FREE. He is not a better man for another woman...he is the same man...with the same woman. You my dear have grown by leaps and bounds! You are radiant! Don't give the devil credit for nothing...he's a liar!

    Now go one and no more of this... go be more FABULOUS!


  5. Not trying to defend him buuuuuut...

    Maybe he meant that the whole experience helped him realize his mistakes and THAT has made him a better man. I hope he didn't mean that the affair made him a better man?

    I'm glad that you've moved on.

  6. b.,
    A beautiful sentiment. Thank you.

    Thanks, closure was my goal. With the ability to move on with minimal baggage.

    That is my truth as well.

    You are correct (as usual) I had the power the entire time and never knew it. This is the last post about that part of my past and that is my truth!

    He said the experiences with me made him a better man now in his relationship with her. Was not sure how to take that...but one thing I am sure of is that he is/was not the man for me.