Friday, September 18, 2009
My World in Zeros and Ones...
"Your world is zeros and ones," he said.
"Zeros and ones?" I asked.
He smiled at me then replied, "Yes, everything is very cut and dry with you. Either black or white. Like I said...zeros and ones."
That was a recent conversation with a friend when he laughed after I said our lines are becoming blurred. I seriously thought about what he said and why my world consists of zeros and ones. A former friend used to tell me all the time that I lived in a world of black and white with no shades of grey.
Funny, I think back to my failed marriage and realize that I lived in shades in grey for almost a decade. For 10 years I lived a life of constant doubt. Not knowing if I would come home to find half the closets empty or if I would get an earful because some random guy decided to stare at me as we walked by. Life was a constant shade of grey until late 2007.
Now I find that there is safety is black and white. There is a comfort in living within a world of zeros and ones. I like to know what I am getting, like to have a firm grasp of the situation before I allow myself to jump into the deep end. My way of trying to protect myself from blatant hurt is to know as much as possible before making a decision.
I do not close myself off from love and have worked hard to leave my cold exterior with my former last name. Throughout the past 2 years I have become more social, more open to new things, new people and new experiences, but I prefer to have my life in zeros and ones. I like surprises...but not ALL surprises!
Peace & Blessings...
Labels: Random Emotions