These last few weeks have been rough. My father is fine. Thank you to everyone who sent me well wishes via blogger, twitter and FB. He returned to work and returned to being the father that I have known for most of my life. The one who is M.I.A. The one who does not return phone calls or text messages.
Deep down I wanted our relationship to be different. At this point in my life I am not sure I could have looked at him as a 'Father' but I needed him to be a friend, to be in my life or at least act like he gives a damn! It is more than astonishing to me how any person can go from confessing how much they care for you, hold endless conversations with you for days then go back to their life without you...without a second thought.
By day three when my messages went unanswered I became worried and afraid. Surely if something was wrong someone would have called me, right? I contacted my oldest sister and she assured me he was fine and that is when I became angry. I was hurt and was heartbroken for days. I did not want to talk about it with anyone but I realized that once again I had allowed this man to crush me.
I gathered myself up, realized he is who he is and put those feelings away. They now live back on the shelf where they took up residence before he got sick.
"That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is"
Work is just...work. I am here, I have a job, it pays the bills. I am looking for my passion. That thing that will make me get up in the morning and allow me to look forward to my day. Often I wonder if it exists or if it is wishful thinking.
My events company is holding its biggest event this weekend. I am nervous and excited about it. Three days and nights of non-stop dancing and I am going to soak up every bit of it! Of course there will be photos and maybe a little video. I am not sure yet.
Well, that is about it for now. Well...there is someone in my life. He has been around for a while but I have kept him 'close to the chest' so to speak. He is a good guy with a good heart and that means so much to me right now. Because this last line is the part I'm having issues with.
"That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them"
Yeah, I dug into the vault for this one. I was wondering through the mall last week (I loathe shopping) and found myself singing along. How many of you remember this one? I love Phil Collins but his rendition can't touch this version.
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is"
Work is just...work. I am here, I have a job, it pays the bills. I am looking for my passion. That thing that will make me get up in the morning and allow me to look forward to my day. Often I wonder if it exists or if it is wishful thinking.
My events company is holding its biggest event this weekend. I am nervous and excited about it. Three days and nights of non-stop dancing and I am going to soak up every bit of it! Of course there will be photos and maybe a little video. I am not sure yet.
Well, that is about it for now. Well...there is someone in my life. He has been around for a while but I have kept him 'close to the chest' so to speak. He is a good guy with a good heart and that means so much to me right now. Because this last line is the part I'm having issues with.
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
But don't you believe them"
Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...
I love Bruce Hornsby & The Range ;) and that song is great!
ReplyDeleteRegarding your Dad, Sister you did exactly what you should have. The great thing is that all that you desire in a Father, you can give to yourself! Give what you need.
I do believe you know your passion, you just haven't
fully stepped into making a living at it. You have it baby, you just gotta embrace it.
You are such a talented and giving person. and I want to hear more about this Man.... Enjoy and let yourself be loved and adored.
as usual, babz know's what to say. so i second what she says, lol!
ReplyDeleteand as for your passion... yes, you do know. embrace it, own it, and the universe will honor and support it.
like babz said, if you just haven't figured out how to make a living with it, and it's really what you want to do, then the fist step is to DECIDE that that's what you WILL do.
there are so many ways to discover how to make a living by living your passion. trust me!
xoxo
angela
Well, I must say, you picked the perfect song...
ReplyDeleteI too hear this song and think about thoughts which ultimately are filed under wishful thinking.
One thing I can definitely say about you, Kendra, you give Life and Love an honest attempt, but if and when there is contempt you have no problems opening the file drawer yourself.
So I take it that you know what's best for you.