Monday, March 7, 2011

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

Thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement and commented on the last post. I have recovered or should I say I am starting to recover. I took time for myself, no going out to help other people, not listening to anyone else's issues and I stayed off the dance floor. I took time to get myself together. I took time to have a long, honest look at myself and have a long, honest talk with God. I spoke my issues, my pain and what I thought was my near breaking point.

I woke up the next morning still in the clothes I wore the day before but I felt like a different person. Do not get me wrong, the world was not all rainbows and roses but the tears had stopped and my shoulders no longer carried the tension they had the day before. I spent the day cleaning my house, gave the furbaby a bath and just enjoyed the sunshine. It was a beautiful day and my porch swing offered a little comfort. The most I ventured away from home was to walk the furbaby around the neighborhood. I did have a conversation with the guy. At one point I asked him, "Do you want to be alone forever?" You might think that is cruel, but I did not ask in a cruel way nor a mean or demeaning kind of way. Sometimes, things come to me and I have no idea of what I am saying but they come in a way that makes the person hear me. This conversation needed to be had and I needed him to hear me. All things considered it went very well.

The following day was also a beautiful day. The sun was shining and I enjoyed a slow cup of coffee while watching one of my favorite reverends on television. What was his sermon on? Keeping your peace. Hmmm....I feel another theme. The guy met me for breakfast and I guess our conversation went better than I thought because I had a hard time getting rid of him. He accompanied me on a few errands and we finally parted ways in the early afternoon. Despite the conversation and the time spent together he still has a long way to go in finding himself and I am not sure I am the person who can help him navigate his way to self-discovery.

I returned home to walk the furbaby through a peaceful park and decided to tackle my budget yet again. I came up with a plan on how I'm going to survive with rising gas and food prices as well as a product idea that hit me on my trip to the west coast. I also came up with a marketing plan for the event company and a grass roots way to get more people to attend. Through all of this I slowly found my way back from being broken.

I found my strength, my inner peace that keeps me when nothing else in the world matters. I found the courage to tell people that sometimes I have to take time for me. I can not always take on the problems people bring to me. I know who I am, what I like and what I can/can not tolerate. I have the courage to ask for what I need and I respect the fact that sometimes people can not give me what I need. I have the courage to gracefully walk away from toxic relationships of any kind and I hope to have the courage and wisdom to know when to hold on and when to let go....of anything.

I found the wisdom I forgot I had. The wisdom to know I have come a long way from the woman I was. The wisdom to know I have a pretty good life despite what anyone thinks. I have the wisdom to keep on walking when tempted with a former addiction (yet again) and the knowledge to know good memories should never make you turn around but smile and keep going forward.

I do not have all the answers but I have once again found my strength, courage and wisdom. I forgot about this song until it came on my satellite radio station while I was cleaning the house. She is phenomenal...


  1. *praising dancing* What matters most is that you are on the road to recovery and takeover! We are cheering for you all the way!

  2. I'm glad to hear you're on the healing road. The word that kept coming to mind while reading your post is "boundaries". It's a lesson worth learning over and again.

    Joy and blessings to you!

  3. i don't usually comment but i had to congratulate you. congratulations for taking the time to settle back into yourself. even though i don't know you, i'm proud of you.

  4. Thank you everyone for the comments. I am on my road to healing and I know all of this will make me a better person. There is a lesson to be learned.

    @j.a.j. - Thank you for commenting. I hope you stick around and peak out again to comment from time to time :)