The Love List...Learning to "Breathe"

I am showing so many signs of being open to love again. The most obvious is the smile on my face and the music I listen to. A couple of years ago after a community service event, I was walking through a local mall and my Soror and I were literally "drawn" to the HP cart because of a song that was playing. After learning the speakers were over $250, we decided to purchase the CD instead :) After my initial introduction to Raheem DeVaughn, his song Breathe has kept me captivated since that day:

The ultimate pleasure's giving pleasure
Yeah, I'm a Taurus
they say that we're patient lovers
Are you a Scorpio, Cancer, Capricorn?
On the cusp?

Yes, I am a Scorpio and we are known for our sexual energy. Something I never quite knew until recently. After soul-searching and discovering so much about myself in 2008, I realized how much of an emotional and sexual creature I truly am. It took me a while to realize this because I didn't know how to slow down and enjoy the little things in life. Having my world torn apart in 2007 made me realize I had to enjoy what I had. It made me learn to breathe.

If you should feel thirsty,
I'll be sure to bring you water
Yes, girl I got candles that
will slow burn longer
And I know your favorite love song
and how you like it on repeat
Me, I was born a patient lover
so I'll start with your feet

I have learned that I must be patient, enjoy every day for what it is. It will not be perfect and will probably bring me blows and make me stumble, but I must take each blow as it comes and continue to breathe. Take baby steps in the darkness until I reach the light. Know that not everyone deserves my time and my love. My love is a gift that is to be respected and earned. It is not to be given away freely to people who take it without appreciation. For it is a precious gift that needs to be reciprocated.


I'll do my best to inspire you
To dream of us til we meet again
You may even be encouraged
To take a walk so we can love again
The Most High outdid herself when
She created you
And girl I am thankful
For how our love has bloomed

I have learned that I am a loyal person who gives my everything in a relationship. If I trust you I will trust you to the end, even if I have made a fool of myself along the way. I listen to Breathe thinking that there are other people out there who feel the same, and that thought truly makes me breathe a little easier.

It would be like when hearts beat as one
It would feel like no ordinary kiss
You and I
Now close your eyes
and picture us
Breathing life...into love

Those lyrics are fire, aren't they?


KayC's Love List:

41. Does not take advantage of my loyalty
42. Keeps his promises
43. Doesn't feel the need to brag about what he has or has accomplished
44. Knows how to enjoy a good kiss
45. Understands that foreplay starts long before you hit the sheets
46. Makes an effort to get to know my friends, family and relatives
47. Is comfortable merging our lives and friends
48. Can be described like this by me because he is the truth, no facades
49. Knows when to leave "well-enough" alone
50. Can enjoy a good glass of wine and great music after a long day

KayC's Love List # 1-20
KayC's Love List # 21-30
KayC's Love List # 31-40

What Does Good Love Feel Like?

I have been awarded by MsKnowitall.

I am deeply honored to be on her Brilliante 5 list.

I started blogging as an outlet. An outlet for my fears, emotional abuse, and loneliness that I suffered in a not-so-easy marriage. I have met wonderful people while going through this journey. They have shared my struggles, pain and evenutally joy as we set out on a path of healing. It is amazing how someone can encourage you and give you strength when they don't know your real name, while the people who see you everyday trip you up.

Makes me think of the Anita Baker song, Good Love. Yes, I want to know what it feels like...

I wanna know what good love feels like
good love, good love
I want a love that's sure to stand the test of time
I wanna know what good love feels like
good love, good love
Morning, noon and night
Forever all my life...

It's coming. God has not brought me this far to leave me.

I give my Brilliante acknowledgement to the bloggers who help me with my journey. I don't have to list them, they know who they are. They encourage me on my difficult path when I take 2 steps forward only to find myself stumbling 3 steps back. They celebrate with me on the highs and poke me to get up from the lows.

They help me to celebrate my brillance.

I Ain't Had a Crush in Years

I wanna' hold you in my arms and ease your fears
I can't believe it, I ain't had a crush in years... - Hey Lover, L.L. Cool J

Well, more like a decade and I find myself in wonderful uncharted territory. I am ready to admit that I have a crush. After years of nursing a broken heart, I am finally ready to have someone in my life. My heart has started to experience emotions that I have not felt in quite some time. Funny how your physical and emotional being can jump right back in nothing happened. Like riding a bike.

We spend so much time nursing the insecurities and feelings of I don't want to be hurt again or let me protect my heart that we forget as human beings we need interaction. We crave it and we thrive on it.

I have fought this crush for a little while now, but am giving in to it. I am surrendering, falling out of my comfort zone to see what happens. Excited about the possibilities, the infinite probabilities of love returning to my life.

It feels wonderful.

I do have moments of fear, of wondering what if. What if this man hurts me? What if this man treats me like the others? What if...

But I pack those thoughts away. I try to squash them as soon as they surface and revel in the fact that he is NOT the ex, he is a different being in a different time. And has come into my life for a reason. Right now, I am enjoying the companionship. And for me, that is the first step.

One GIANT step.