Let's Hear It For the Boys

I have few friends in life. Do not get me wrong, my life is rich with great relationships but the word friend carries a strong meaning for me. My friends are my chosen family. They are with me through thick and thin and allow me to be me...whoever that is at the moment. Because of this it is very difficult to make it to friendship status with me but once you are there, you are always there.

My oldest and dearest friend came to visit for the first time in 3 years. We have been friends since my very first day of ninth grade. When I walked into a new school and sat down in home room. He was sitting next to me and introduced himself. He immediately gave me a nickname...it was KayC. Guess it stuck :)

This was us almost 20 years ago:



We've been friends through marriages, births, deaths and divorces. He has been there with me since before I had real curves and was comfortable in my skin. We have seen each other at our worst and confessed things to each other most people would rather take to their grave. He is my brother from another mother, my twin from another womb. Over the years we can still smile together like this:



When meeting MoA (which was totally coincidental) he explained that he was one part of Martin and Will in Bad Boys. The gun toting big brothers at the front door. MoA, being the man he is, seemed to take it all in stride. Guess it helped that it was the end of his night and he had finished performing and packing up instruments and equipment. Even exhausted he looked great and I'm keeping that photo to myself :)

Over the weekend we hung out (hard) with the third member of the crew, drank way too much, laughed way too loud and shut down more than one spot. They gave me insight on this new dating game (my Addiction included) and sized up everyone who wanted to approach me. (Of course no one did hanging with those two)

It was just what the doctor ordered after nursing an injury that is keeping me off the Salsa dance floor and dealing with this thing called Life. They gave me insight and I provided insight on women (as much as I could). Sometimes it is just the pick me up you need when you are with people who know you, get you and still love you without any of the intimate relationship gunk getting in the way.

Cheering on my men...let's hear it for the boys!



Love you guys.


Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

What Does Good Love Feel Like?

I have been awarded by MsKnowitall.

I am deeply honored to be on her Brilliante 5 list.

I started blogging as an outlet. An outlet for my fears, emotional abuse, and loneliness that I suffered in a not-so-easy marriage. I have met wonderful people while going through this journey. They have shared my struggles, pain and evenutally joy as we set out on a path of healing. It is amazing how someone can encourage you and give you strength when they don't know your real name, while the people who see you everyday trip you up.

Makes me think of the Anita Baker song, Good Love. Yes, I want to know what it feels like...

I wanna know what good love feels like
good love, good love
I want a love that's sure to stand the test of time
I wanna know what good love feels like
good love, good love
Morning, noon and night
Forever all my life...

It's coming. God has not brought me this far to leave me.

I give my Brilliante acknowledgement to the bloggers who help me with my journey. I don't have to list them, they know who they are. They encourage me on my difficult path when I take 2 steps forward only to find myself stumbling 3 steps back. They celebrate with me on the highs and poke me to get up from the lows.

They help me to celebrate my brillance.

I've Been Tagged

Once again I have been tagged by my blog world friends. Msknowitall tagged me this time about something I love, music. Here goes...

THE RULES
"List seven songs that you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring/summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs."

MY LIST
1. Alright, by Ledisi
Life can bring loss through any changes, it's alright, just don’t give up know that it’s gonna be alright, People come and may go, that’s just the way that it goes, Everything is everything, and it's alright.
Ledisi has a sultry voice that is simply enjoyable and calming. This jazzy, blues-like song fits right into my new favorite playlist.

2. No Woman No Cry, by Bob Marley
No lyrics needed, the live version is on my playlist. I can listen to Marley all day.

3. Be With You, by Elizabeth Withers
I just want to be with you, turn the down lights low, pull my shirt up slow. Open my buttons one by one, and watch them come undone.
Another sultry singer, she became popular playing Shug Avery in The Color Purple on Broadway.

4. Suffocate, by J. Holiday
Got me fiening for her love can't lie, Man you should see how she got me, Spending all this time with her, And I couldn't leave her if I wanted to, Her love turns men into fools, Tell me what a man is to do.
This song's vibe is nice. One day, I want someone to feel this way about me again.

5. My Joy, Leela James (Be sure to also check out her track Music)
See previous post here to hear this one and see the lyrics. The live version I posted includes a brief description of how the song came to be as well as a brief tribute to the blues. This song is my new anthem. I put it on when things get too heavy.

6. Soul Searchin', by Me'Shell Ndegecello
Come caress my saddened heart, My sunrise and my darkest dreams, All my hostility's tamed, When you kiss me.
MeShell has a way with lyrics that is unmatched by most. This one is old, from the Higher Learning Soundtrack and includes a wicked breakdown in the end that makes you want to grab your SO and... ;)

7. Satisfied, by Prince
Eye'm just trying 2 get U satisfied, Eye'm sure U had another lover, Let me tell U baby, all tricks aside, Eye can get U out of Ur body, Have U ever felt like U were dyin' and felt satisfied?
I LOVE Prince and love the blues. This song combines both...Prince singing the blues? Oh baby, the only downfall to this song is that it is too short.


My new summer playlist is one I can play from start to finish without any major breaks in the flow of music. All of the music is sultry and relaxing. Some of it is new with artists like J. Holiday, Goapele (Closer) and Reuben Studdard (Make U Feel Beautiful) but others are classic like Prince and Bob Marley.

My entire list has a running theme of overcoming obstacles and finding love. Maybe my healing is almost complete, I find myself listening to these songs and thinking of the infinate possiblities of great love.

This one is dedicated to the hopeless romantic in me that is being reborn. I didn't tag anyone, as always let me know if you participate.

TAG! 6 Things about the Quiet Storm

I've been tagged so I get to play. I guess that means I am an official blogger now ;-) In case you have not seen this before, I have been tagged by Verbal Vixon, who has great stories and art on her site.

The rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules in your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.

Here is the list of things unknown to my fellow bloggers...

1. I have a major pet peeve about people being inconsiderate. Especially when you want me to be considerate of you. That goes for all of the gum popping, cutting-me-off-in-traffic driving, smokers in the hallway, answering your cell phone in the movie, playing your music loud in the middle of the night people. Yeah, YOU!

2. I know the words to most of the songs in the Animated Disney Classics. My favorite being Bear Necessities in the The Jungle Book.

3. I wanted to be a performer like Janet Jackson when I grew up. She was killin' Control at the time. (Don't hate, don't hate)

4. Thanks to a person I dated, I now like all forms of music. If you ride with me you could hear everything from Daughtry, Creed, Carrie Underwood, Sweet Honey in the Rock, MeShell, Goo Goo Dolls, TuPac and Miles Davis. Interesting list, huh?

5. I know how to crochet and knit. My Grandmother taught my mother and my mother taught me. Someday, I hope to have a daughter to teach her. Gotta keep the tradition going.

6. My father's name is Adolph. Yes, just like Hitler. Oh yeah, get this...he is a junior. So there are TWO men in my family blessed with that name. Try living with that as a black girl growing up in the South!

BONUS- Since #6 is not really about me, here is another one. I am a certified Pet Stylist. Which means I am basically a certified barber for dogs and can do things like take this face:


And make it look like this:



So there you have it.

EXTRA CREDIT*** I HATE chain letters, so although this was fun and I appreciate being loved by the blog tag. I did not tag anyone.

But hit me up if you decide to participate.

Peace and Blessings,
KayC, The Quiet Storm

Love…Liberating or Limiting?

This was the timely topic of interest for Valentine's Day on a natural hair board I frequent. I had tossed around a few subjects for my next post and settled on this one since it has been weighing on me a lot lately.

Love and relationships should never be just flat out hard. Love is a choice that is made and given freely without expectations. You can love someone and not spend your life with them as a spouse or significant other. You can also love someone and not have them love you in return. I know plenty of people who say that their relationship is hard and trying all the time. I can’t help but ask why? I had a teacher in high school whose favorite quote was “Love should make you happy 90% of the time.” When complaining to a friend about my own relationship, this quote came back to me in a light bulb moment.

Maybe we do force ourselves to be in relationships that are not healthy. Often we get caught up in looks, the feeling of loneliness and the “I’m ready to be married/have a family because I’m _____ years old” mentality.

Love should come easily and should not be limiting. I was in a relationship that mirrored who I was and I did not like what I saw. Anger, emotional abuse, jealousy, trust issues and neediness that surpassed all traits of love. Imagine tensing up every time your spouse walks in the door? Crazy, right? Ironically, I receive the best kind of love from my friends. We have many conversations on the fact that you may pick your friends with greater sincerity than you pick your partner/spouse. Let me explain.

One of my friends is a man who I have known for almost 20 years. We made the decision to remain “just friends” about 4 years into our friendship. I love my friend tremendously and he has become a family member to me. We do not have to talk everyday or even once a month, but we always seem to find each other when one of us needs emotional support. We have no expectations on the other person; we are free to be the person we are rather it be weak, strong, hurtful or prideful. I was asked if we became friends because we wanted to have the other person in our lives for a lifetime and I had to think about it.

We have been friends through failed relationships, marriages, separations, deaths, births and career changes. I am sure we will continue to be friends for a long to come, so the answer would be yes. Yes, I picked him as a friend so I would have him in my life forever.

If friendships can be so liberating why can’t relationships? Do we really make a bigger investment in choosing our friends than we do our mates?

Used, Abused and Rescued

This is my Shiba Inu doing what he does best, relaxing. He is happy, spoiled in fact. He has his own room (his crate which hardly ever has the door closed), he has a toy box overflowing with toys that I constantly replenish (more on that later) and he goes for long walks and hikes with me regularly. I even participate with a Shiba Inu group of owners who get together to let their dogs play. When I look at him I sometimes think of everything he encountered before he came to live with me.

He is a rescue, meaning he went to a home as a young puppy. His original owner decided he would not fit into the life they envisioned and returned him to his breeder. He stayed with his breeder for four months until he came to live with me. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting him, he is a beautiful dog. Even though he can be a handful at times, he makes it bearable to enter an empty home after a long day of work.

This is my Guinea Pig who is also a rescue (in his upside down house he's chewed on ;-). He was supposed to be a pet for a friend’s daughter, but somehow ended up with me as well. He is my first guinea pig and is a learning experience. Like my Shiba, he first went to a home and after fathering a litter was returned to the pet store unwanted. He is also spoiled and has trained me to give him carrots when he bites at his cage and squeals (which brings my Shiba like he called his name).

I look around my house and realize that all of the living creatures that dwell there have been rescued. We are an interesting group, often misunderstood and returned because we were not what the original owners expected. How was I returned? I have separated from the person I thought I would spend my life with. Now, I understand that some people think that I have been returned and deem me used or unworthy.

Often people say that divorce or separation means that you are forever the spouse of the person you originally married. I am not sure I agree for a variety of reasons. Mainly because many of us enter into relationships knowing that we should not be there. We see the warning signs before we walk down the aisle but in an effort to save face and get what we desire, we make that walk anyway and spend countless years wondering why it just does not work out.

A friend of a friend once said “When it is wrong there is nothing you can do to make it right.” That is the only thing she says that I totally agree with. So now that I have been returned, I wonder how long it will take me to entertain the possibility of sharing my life again.

Right now I am happy with building my friendships and strengthening the other relationships I have neglected while trying to make my failing marriage work. But, God heals all and forgives all, right?

New Beginnings

While watching one of my all time favorite movies Purple Rain, I was listening to the opening sequence:

Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today to get this thing called life.
Electric word life it means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell you there's something else, the afterworld

Get through this thing called life, huh?

I have watched this movie hundreds of times, I love good live music and since Purple Rain is more of a long concert with bad acting it fits the bill, but I digress to say I love this movie and the opening sequence got me to thinking about life and change.

It's that time of year when everyone is focusing on the "new." Resolutions, promises, engagements, babies, moving into new places and trying new things. I don't believe in resolutions, they are easily broken and make you feel bad about yourself for not being able to stick to them.

What do I believe in? Change.

Gradual but steady change. Change is a word that exicites some people and terrifies others. Last year was a major year of change for me and I checked off many things on my important "to do" list. The most important was to amend fallen friendships and broken relationships.

Some time back I mentioned an important phone call that I was terrified of but felt I had to make. Working through my fear I finally made that phone call and although it did not go as well as I had hoped, it did not go badly either. So now I await the effects of that call. Impatiently I might add (I am still working on changing my patience level) but it feels good to have so much off of my chest.

This year will be better than the last, and next year will be better than this year. I have journeyed through the flames and have emerged a better person, a stronger person and it is time to start enjoying this short period of time we call life.

New Tricks

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks"

I like that quote. I always have. It motivates me to start and learn new things as I get older. I am starting a number of new things this year. The most important thing is that I will enter into a new decade (the 30's) and with that comes a new outlook. The others include:

1. I stepped out of retirement with a team I originally stepped with in my teens. (I am now retired again from stepping)

2. I had my first ballet class Saturday with my performance group. As a child I always wanted to take lessons, but we did not have the money.

3. I reconnected with old friends I have not spoken with in almost a decade.

Clearing the air with my friends and people I have dated has been a major breakthrough this year. My friends and I have mended wounds and tied loose ends that I thought would haunt me forever. I'm not sure what some of them thought when they received my emails, phone calls or letters, but I am glad that we were able to admit we were young and foolish and be able to move on. One of my friends is even helping me to write again. I only wish I was at the same level as they are. But I thank them for their help and support.

There is only one other friend I have not been able to contact to clear the air. Fear is a powerful motivator and I am not sure I am ready to cross that bridge as of yet. I am ready to admit I was wrong, but not sure that my friend is ready for the apology. It has been ten years and I am hoping that they remember me, but I am dreading the initial contact.