Friday, October 17, 2008

I Ain't Had a Crush in Years

I wanna' hold you in my arms and ease your fears
I can't believe it, I ain't had a crush in years... - Hey Lover, L.L. Cool J

Well, more like a decade and I find myself in wonderful uncharted territory. I am ready to admit that I have a crush. After years of nursing a broken heart, I am finally ready to have someone in my life. My heart has started to experience emotions that I have not felt in quite some time. Funny how your physical and emotional being can jump right back in nothing happened. Like riding a bike.

We spend so much time nursing the insecurities and feelings of I don't want to be hurt again or let me protect my heart that we forget as human beings we need interaction. We crave it and we thrive on it.

I have fought this crush for a little while now, but am giving in to it. I am surrendering, falling out of my comfort zone to see what happens. Excited about the possibilities, the infinite probabilities of love returning to my life.

It feels wonderful.

I do have moments of fear, of wondering what if. What if this man hurts me? What if this man treats me like the others? What if...

But I pack those thoughts away. I try to squash them as soon as they surface and revel in the fact that he is NOT the ex, he is a different being in a different time. And has come into my life for a reason. Right now, I am enjoying the companionship. And for me, that is the first step.

One GIANT step.


  1. The beauty of a Crush is that we get to explore our feelings. We ain't talking love. We are talking like..interest...further exploration.


  2. You've got me looking forward to my own crush! deserve it!

  3. Lovebabz,
    I fought this crush until I had to admit to it. Yes, it is interest in someone who no matter what happens (friendship, relationship or somewhere in between) I am happy that I had the chance to get to know him.

    Welcome back! I am still very cautious, but it is nice. Crushes seem to find you when you least expect them.

  4. Ms. Kay C got a crush!

    Good for you. *Smiling*

    I know that this is a scary place to enter. Take it easy and be easy on yourself.

    I agree with Lovebabz, taking time to like, find interests and enjoying every moment... the sweet words uttered, the hand holding, the smiles, and all of the mushiness.

    I'm so excited for you!

  5. Msknowitall,
    Thank you. (for some reason I heard you saying that like a kid on the playground. lol) I am smiling a lot lately, which for me is something I have not done in a long time.

  6. Go girl! A crush is a good thing because there are no expectations or pretenses. Just go with the flow and then you'll realize if you need to get out before you hurt or not. Enjoy it!

  7. I'm happy for you. You've got the right mind frame. Just take it one day at a time

  8. Monique,
    This crush has made me realize that my heart can feel again. If nothing else comes from it, that is enough for me right now.

    I am trying my best to take it one day at a time, but you know how us women can be sometimes ;)

  9. Congrats on finding your way back into the flow of love.

  10. R.Fitzgerald,
    It was a long road, but I am glad I found my way back as well.