Thursday, August 28, 2008

Craving Chemistry

Growing up not many of us (myself included) were excited about Chemistry class. The formulas that you had to balance and the equations that needed to be solved. You could hear the groans from the hallway.

Slowly, the dislike toward chemistry changed after graduation.

People spoke about the same word with different meaning. It still referred to two things (or people) and how they reacted with each other. But as we got older, people started to look forward to chemistry. They wanted to feel the reaction between themselves and another person. Each day they looked forward to the chemical reactions in their brain that made their stomachs do flip-flops when they saw that special someone. That unexplainable feeling when the person takes your hand for the first time or that never-will-have-again first kiss.

The emotion of knowing someone else so well, that you can tell in an instant when they are having a bad day from the sound of their voice. That special feeling that only that certain someone can give you when they put their arms around you and take away the pain from that difficult day. Yes, I am talking about that kind of chemistry.

Chemistry can not be faked or forced. What it can be is electric, so much so that people around you can pick up on it.

Not long ago I saw a lady out with her husband and son watching another couple at the coffee shop. I wondered to myself why she was watching this couple who seemed to be simply enjoying each other's company. After the woman in the couple found the lady watching her, they simply smiled at each other and it hit me. The couple's chemistry was magnetic as they stole sly smiles at each other and laughed easily.

Ahhh yes, chemistry is a b*tch! But give me that kind of chemistry any day!!!!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Compliments are Contagious

"You are a joy to know."

"You are glowing, what's his name?" (HA! Not answering that one)

"You are a wonderful person."

"You can take those negative vibes and spit them back out positive. I know you can handle it."

"Your office is peaceful, I can feel it walking through the door." (Yep, you can't walk through my door with negative vibes)

In the last month or so, I have received these wonderful compliments listed above. Granted, I did not receive them all in the same day (I don't think my ego could've taken that) but I received them in the matter of a few weeks.

Receiving a great compliment is a wonderous thing. It surprises you and gives you an unexpected lift to your day. It just makes you feel good. When I received these compliments it made me aware that I needed to spread more positivity and keep the compliments going. They made me feel wonderful, like I finally got it. I am finally becoming the person I always knew I could be. How do I know? Because not only do I feel it but other people can see it, and they are complimenting me on it.

Positivity births more positivity.

Make sure to spread some positive energy today...let me know how it goes.

Oh yeah, when someone compliments you...simply smile and say "Thank you!"

Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Love List...Sweep Me Off My Feet

I love to dance, and this is a picture of one of my favorite dances. It is a couples dance to Jill Scott's He Loves Me. Of course, the picture tells nothing of the actual performance with three couples and the keyboardist who sped up the song to make it sound like the house version. Or, the vocalist who did everything she could except stop singing to get him to slow down. But, the picture captured this one moment in time for eternity.

It is the same way in life. We get so caught up in the wrongs that we forget what went right. We refuse to live and enjoy that moment in time. I am learning to enjoy each good moment.

Although it was a performance, I want a man to look at me with this kind of intensity. Sweep me off my feet with a love that makes me feel special. I want to have great memories that last a lifetime. I want to think about him and smell his cologne in my fantasies.

Apparently, God has been hearing me. In an effort to be a little more specific with God, here are my additions to the Love List:

KayC's Love List:

21. Preferably has no children
22. Is articulate and can express himself.
23. Does not make marrying a hobby ( I do not want to be wife #4 or #5, etc.)
24. Mature and acts his age, but can easily let his hair down
25. Spontaneous
26. Is not ashamed of showing love
27. Romantic, likes to cuddle and show affection
28. Takes care of home before he takes care of other people's homes.
29. Believes in me and encourages me
30. Knows how to say "no" with tact and respect

KayC's Love List # 1-20

Thursday, August 14, 2008

One Helluva Day

I often wondered about films and other types of media that portrayed one day as a life changing event. Surely, one day can make that much of a difference in a person's life, and I believed that until now.

One day changed almost everything in my life, and it changed for the better. My soon-to-be-ex is now officially my ex and I do not have any real feelings about the subject. I watched the person I planned to spend the rest of my life with tell a judge about our 8 year marriage and split with a feelng of detachment. I could not stop thinking the person on that witness stand is someone I really don't know. He looked the same, and sounded the same but he was a totally different person.

I even found myself falling back into the person I was around him and I didn't like it. It took me a couple of hours to shake off the stifling feeling and return to person I now know and love. Funny how people have a hard time breaking old habits.

On the same day I placed my very first home under contract. It is something I did totally on my own, and it is a big deal for me. I can't describe the feeling as I know I would not come close to doing it justice.

As I look back on one of the most important days of my life, I once again have the feeling that life is playing out as it should.

It was one helluva day.

Friday, August 8, 2008

The Love First Sight?

I saw you and instantly felt you
your swagger captivated me
the tilt of your hat
broadness of your smile
while I danced
my spirit felt you watching me

Appreciating the closeness of you
thoughts of getting to know you
no longer thinking of any pain
enjoying all of this
until it begin to rain....

I have thought about my Love List for a long time and now I know that I am ready for love to enter my life. Real love, like the MJB song. I have experienced enough of the fake stuff. First, I had to figure out what I did NOT want in order to know what I want. I am putting out my positive vibes while I continue to enjoy life. Soon, the person who perfectly compliments me will embark on this wonderful thing called life with me.

KayC's Love List:

1. Believes in God
2. Loves family and wants one of his own
3. Secure in his manhood
4. Does not put others down to make himself feel better
5. Comfortable in his own skin
6. Can relax and chill with me and watch the game in sweats, then put on a flyy suit and hang out in Corporate America
7. Sees my spirit as who I am and accepts it
8. Loves me without trying to change me
9. Believe my words as truth, knowing that I would never deliberately hurt him
10. Honest and Trustworthy
11. Healed from his old relationships before he creates one with me
12. Good with children and pets
13. Understands that sometimes your word is all you have
14. Has a good relationship with his family
15. Enjoys dancing and different types of music
16. Open to new experiences
17. Wants to see the world...with me
18. Enjoys sports
19. Will fight for me like this, knowing I would do the same
20. Values my morals

I want to know, that I know, that I know when someone loves me like I deserve to be loved. There will be no pretense, it will make both of us glow. He will glow enough that his boys will want to meet me just to see the lady that has their boy floating like a parade entry. Yes, I was a hopeless romantic for a long time...and the hopeless romantic is back. It is more than time she made an appearance.

I am sure this list will be grow and change with time. For now, this is the beginning...

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Learning the Lesson

I need more positive thoughts and positive people in my life. In college, after a horrific year with the death of a few close friends and the cancer diagnosis of my Grandmother, I took a long look at my life. Then I started to fix it.

I removed people from my life who were draining me, the people who make you physically tired after a phone conversation. We all know them, the people who can walk into a room and suck the life right out of it. Yes, we know them well but we continue to keep them around anyway.

Fast forward more than a decade and I find myself staring into the mirror once again. This time it is different. I stare into the mirror as a woman who knows who she is and what she can and can not tolerate. A woman who knows what she enjoys and what she is not willing to compromise.

My happiness and self-assurance has come with a price. Although I am still young, it has taken me far too long to get here, but I will wallow in a great feeling so many people do not know.

I am healed from the wounds of the past decade and I am excited about my next steps in life. The possibilities and choices that I have are endless. After a great weekend of hanging with some really cool people from my Blue and White fam, I can say with confidence I am ready for the next step and starting to have a great time.

Thanks to a couple of Frat who are cool peeps in my book. Let's start with Frat who gave me the great stepping lesson Chicago-style, Frat who danced with everyone and got silly with us without worrying about the blackmail pictures that I am sure will show up on the Web, Frat and Sorors who did the New Edition dances with us on If It Isn't Love (love you for that :) and for the great laughs as I enjoyed the time with old friends and met new people.

I can now start my Love List with a bang but this post is about burying old habits and leaving the hurt and pain behind while learning the lesson. Finally, I am in love with me and it sure feels good.

Yes, I will continue to concentrate on learning the lesson.