Monday, August 9, 2010

Fall Cleaning, No Longer Addicted

I was asked by email if I could ever give up my Addiction. Without thinking about it I answered "YES!" He is not the man I need to be with, he is not the man who will give me the unconditional love I seek, he is not the man...for me. Period.

I know this. I have known this since month 3 and continued to have him in my life for over a year and a half. Why? Honestly, because having him in my life for a few nights a month was better than being alone. Having him for a few nights allowed me to pretend that he was mine. Allowed me to pretend there was a man who loved me, stroked my hair and cuddled with me while we slept. Even if it was not true. We were using each other, and I have stopped it. Permanently, for good. Period.

I have walked away from my Addiction. On my own accord, without the advice from friends or the push from anyone. I have cut all ties with no explanation because by the time he realizes I am gone I will be strong enough to keep walking when he calls me to return. There is no one else, no one who will fill the empty nights left by him or fill the empty spot on my sofa the few nights he handed out when he felt ready. Somehow, I will get through them.

I am taking great care to clear out the imperfections in my life. My personal life was first, now I am working on my finances and somewhere in all of that I am continuing to find this woman. She is phenomenal, sweet, compassionate, loving, a great dancer who gives her all and deserves the same in return.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...


  1. Good 4 u. Change starts with self and it looks like ur doing just that. Hope all works out 4 u. God Bless and thanks 4 sharing :)

  2. Wow, good for you chica! Happy to see that you realize how much you deserve! Good luck on the other areas as well.

  3. Cheers to clarity on your own accord.

  4. *applause* you know got me over here tearing up!

    ain't it the best when you make decisions based on what you think and what you need without having anyone else's voice in your head?

    forward moving...we can do this, and so we shall.

    I am so happy for you cuz that Luv drug is a mother

  5. 25champ,
    Thank you.

    Thanks. I have always known, I just wanted what I wanted ;)

    Yes, it is on my own accord. I did not tell anyone until after I deleted him from everything.

    No tears, LOL! One step at a time. Yes, we can do this!

  6. Its always a blessing to lose some weight. Now there is room for the God approved MAN to arrive.

    You are lovely.

  7. Hugs and claps to you! Clarity comes and you start picking up the pieces, clearing out the old, preparing for the new. I am proud of you.

  8. Judging from the few post that I have read concerning your Addiction - and everything given by yourself since Day One, I believe one helluva power move has just been made.

  9. It is always hard to let go of "what you want!" I think I was overly mature in college and knew what I was seeking in a mate back then. I knew my love crush was not good for me, but i just could not let go at the time. Once I finally let go I realized it was not what I needed or wanted! Isn't it great?