Birthday Reflections 2014

I am staring at my keyboard, making myself type. I have no clue where to begin...

I am....grateful...for the many people that have crossed my life's path and have enriched me with wonderful memories, opportunities and strength along the way.

I am...sad...for the many friends I have lost in the last few years who are no longer here with me. That makes me selfish and I can own that emotion because there is love for those friends that I never knew could exist on a platonic level. It is not easy to allow people access to your heart to set up shop and change you for the better.

I am...dealing with the why/how/no mores of disappointments that could have been avoided. I can only say that God must have one WICKED sense of humor and is setting me up for something big. These last few weeks have been difficult and I am not ashamed to admit they almost broke me.

I am...thankful that I was pushed into online dating by a friend. I have shared a few stories here but what I have kept is that I met someone who reminded me that "long-term" is possible with the right person. There will be no details and there is no relationship...for now. For the first time in a very long time I could see myself having a possible future with someone. That feeling has not been with me since...I honestly can not remember when. I was brave and I put myself out there. I was scared as I did not want to be seen as desperate, thirsty, (input whatever "hip" adjective is being used at the moment here) etc, but I wanted him to know that I genuinely liked him. Him as a person, someone I enjoyed laughing with and spending time with and getting to know. Whatever is meant to be with time...will be. But at least I put myself out there, as vulnerable and honest as I could and I believe he did the same. For that...I will ALWAYS be thankful. My experience with him has changed me and my views on relationships. THAT is/was not easy to do with me.

Today, as I reflect on the many things that I am....the one thing I know is that I am still growing and I am still walking my life's journey. As I receive the usual texts, social media posts and receive unexpected phone calls from my new family in Cuba, I laugh as the people at the coffee shop stare at me trying to figure out "what" I am as we have a very Spanglish conversation that includes kiss your mother and tell her I miss her and I hope to see you soon.

The one thing I know that I am....

...I am NOT done.


Until Next Time,

Peace & Blessings...

Addictions Always Return, Don't They?

It has been years since I have battled my Addiction. You remember that, don't you?

I walked away.

I RAN away and never looked back.

Except to stare at my phone that year he called me on my birthday. It took everything I had to let my Addiction go to voicemail. But I did not answer...I was strong...and extremely proud of myself.

Earlier this fall I heard my addiction was getting married. He was marrying the "girlfriend." You remember her, the "girlfriend" he swore was not the girlfriend. They had smiling photos on a wedding site proclaiming their undying love and how they met.

Good for them. Everyone deserves to be happy, right? No sarcasm, just genuine "if you are happy, then I am happy for you." Did it sting a little? Of course but such is life. Build a bridge and get over it.  *But you know KayC did keep her eyes open for wedding photos. Ha! Come on, you were curious and so was I*

So why the post? Because going through my email today I saw this on my Linkedin feed:

"Your Addiction's" invitation is waiting for your response...

*KayC eyes the screen and wipes eyes to clear them*

Surely, my Addiction did not think enough time has passed to keep in touch? Seriously, he does not think that I would accept such an invite? And why on Linkedin and not any other social media? Is that because the former "girlfriend" now wife would see it?

Surely, he does not think that KayC gets down like that?

Now...where is the delete button....because Addictions always return. Right?

Until Next Time,

Peace & Blessings...