"Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in."
That may not be the exact quote, but you get the point. I thought I was over it, thought I was through being a victim, feeling like a victim. The tears were suppose to be gone and finished. I had cried my last cry.
So I thought...
God has a wicked sense of humor. In December I was given news that I put on the back burner and had not fully faced. That news came back with a vengeance last week and slapped me so hard, I was devastated. Now, I am faced with choices.
Choices....it always comes down to choices.
Funny thing is this decision is not about a choice. My choice has pretty much been made for me. This is about my transition into acceptance. To accept the things I cannot change. Accept the things I can not change. ACCEPT the things I can NOT CHANGE!!! My transition to stop trying to be everything to everyone else and be who I am for ME! There should not be any guilt for being me. I should not feel obligated to do something I may not be able to physically do. I don't owe anyone anything.
I owe it to myself to be the best person I can be within my limitations. To live for me and make me happy. I know that.
If I know that...why am I still battling the case of the guilts?
If I KNOW THAT, why do I still battle the case of the "what ifs" for you...you...and possibly me?
WOO-WOOO-WOOO!
ReplyDeleteWE ARE ON THE SAME JOURNEY...I SWEAR!
My last 2 posts are about this very thing....
Oh we are SISTERS for real!
Hold on babe we are going to ride this thing out and be fabulous all at the same time!
the one true life lesson I have learned is that we can't run from the truth forever. face your fears and let them know you aren't afraid. whatever it is will continue to ride you in a negative way until you make a choice. the clock is ticking and life is too short.
ReplyDeleteYou're equipped with all you need to make the transition. The truth is you're already going through the journey, in the midst of it, and sometimes you have to be still and accept.
ReplyDeleteYou think they are pulling you in but the fact that you wrote this post and proclaimed your "I Knows" means that they haven't pulled you back in at all.
Your bigger, stronger, wiser. Just move forward and leave the guilt out of it. That's excess you don't need.
HUGS!!!!