"Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in."
That may not be the exact quote, but you get the point. I thought I was over it, thought I was through being a victim, feeling like a victim. The tears were suppose to be gone and finished. I had cried my last cry.
So I thought...
God has a wicked sense of humor. In December I was given news that I put on the back burner and had not fully faced. That news came back with a vengeance last week and slapped me so hard, I was devastated. Now, I am faced with choices.
Choices....it always comes down to choices.
Funny thing is this decision is not about a choice. My choice has pretty much been made for me. This is about my transition into acceptance. To accept the things I cannot change. Accept the things I can not change. ACCEPT the things I can NOT CHANGE!!! My transition to stop trying to be everything to everyone else and be who I am for ME! There should not be any guilt for being me. I should not feel obligated to do something I may not be able to physically do. I don't owe anyone anything.
I owe it to myself to be the best person I can be within my limitations. To live for me and make me happy. I know that.
If I know that...why am I still battling the case of the guilts?
If I KNOW THAT, why do I still battle the case of the "what ifs" for you...you...and possibly me?