Art Imitating Life

My performance group has started practicing for our next show which is on my birthday! This is our "best of" show which revisits all of our favorite dances, music and poetry. Since our cast has changed over the last few years some dances have different choreography.

I have been cast in a dance called "Four Women" to the music of Nina Simone with the same title. Guess who I play? Aunt Sarah! With every thing going on in my life right now I get cast as Aunt Sarah. HA!

Here are the lyrics to my part:

My skin is black
My arms are long
My hair is woolly
My back is strong
Strong enough to take the pain
It’s been inflicted again and again
What do they call me
My name is aunt sarah
My name is aunt sarah

We have practiced this song for the last two weeks and I had a difficult time getting into the mindset of Aunt Sarah. She starts the song which means I set the tone for the entire piece. Black skin? Check. Long arms? Check. Wooly hair? Check. I'm suppose to be strong? Well...uhhh...CHECK!

I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! I can take what life has thrown at me. It is okay to retreat, regroup and reactivate. I forgot the regroup and reactivate part. But it is perfectly normal, it is human and every so often we fall and like babies learning to walk we just sit there and cry about it.

I had to give myself permission to grieve. Grieve for something I desperately wanted and found out I may not have. I have made the journey through the first few steps of the grief process and like everything else in life I will learn from this experience and move on.

I am bent and bruised but will not be broken. Funny, my Artistic Director had no idea what I was going through when she cast me in "Four Women." It is simply art imitating life.

If you haven't heard Four Women:

Four Women - Nina Simone

Peace & Blessings...

Learning the Lesson...Cont'd.

Thank you to my fellow bloggers (QueenBee, Lovebabz, MsKnowitall, Brandee, Insatiable One, The True Urban Queen and 12Kyle) for stopping by and adding words of encouragement and wisdom as I retreated and forgot the world. Your words did not fall on deaf ears nor blind eyes and I needed every one of them.

Almost a year ago I wrote this post about learning the lesson. God continues to put things in our path to make us deal with them, to make us stop running and come full circle on your wants versus your needs. If you do not learn the lesson you are doomed to repeat it until you do. This is my belief...

I am slowly coming to terms with my initial medical prognosis and waiting on the part two that will be in soon. It is not an easy wait nor is it something I ever thought I would be faced with. Life is funny like that, it only takes an instant to change your perspective and my perspective has changed drastically in the past week and a half.

My beyond wonderful fam (the group of friends that have become my surrogate family) have rallied around me despite their own drama to check on me, text me, call me and take me out to get my mind off my wait. They are beyond words and I am truly grateful for each and every one of them.

They have taken me to my favorite restaurants, accompanied me salsa dancing, shared great birthday celebrations and great glasses of wine. Despite their best efforts, through it all I thought I just needed to be held. When in fact God sent me exactly what I needed...a long walk through the park where I found a great ear to listen and great conversation.

As I continue to wait on test results I realize that I do own a fear that is warranted, but I also own hope and the fact that I am surrounded by people that genuinely love me, the real me and continue to uplift me through it all.


Peace & Blessings...

How I'm Feeling...Just Forget the World?

Choices...choices...choices.

I recently found out my chances for having children are very slim. There is no wild sexual history (quite the opposite) and I have never had an STD. I did everything "right" so to speak. I was one of those mythical creatures that earned her white dress when she walked down the aisle.

Now I find myself mad, angry, frustrated that my body may have portrayed me. That my insides are growing things they should not be growing. Mutating in ways that may be unsafe. I just want a clean bill of health...all of a sudden having children is not important. My mother's desire of having her only child give her a pass into grandmother hood is a mute point.

I just want to forget the world. I retreat when I need time to think, to deal with the things being thrown my way. This is one of my favorite shows and right now one of my favorite songs.

Just for a short time, I want to forget the world...




Chorus:
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?





Peace & Blessings...