Monday, May 24, 2010

He Called Me Out

"Dating someone who is divorced requires patience," he stated. Barely above a whisper.

I looked at him side-eyed but did not respond. Wanted to see where he was going with it. Because I KNOW he was not calling me high maintenance.

"You require patience. I understand, it's cool," he said as he looked back at me side-eyed with a wicked grin on his face. "I can be patient."

"You calling me high maintenance on the sly?" I could not resist the question.

He laughed at me.

"Long way from it, Luv. You're extremely cautious. You hide behind a brick wall. Think you can put in a door or at least a window?"

His words stung.

After several moments I replied, "Guess I've made progress. The wall was covered in ice with a moat around it. I'll see what the contractor quotes me and get back to you. The window probably...but the door," I shook my head. "You may be pushing it."

He called me out.

I say I am open to love, want it and need it. Have my arms open to allow it to walk right in but when it comes down to it...I hide behind a brick wall. Since my re-entry into this dating world I have not been treated poorly but have not been treated well either. It is my fault. I have allowed men to give me bits and pieces, snacking on crumbs while nursing a huge hunger that requires a full meal.

I have allowed men to give tidbits of time as they deem fit while they carved out pieces of themselves for me and her and her. Settled for just OK when I desired more, gave more and thought having a starting lineup would help fulfill the emptiness left by the franchise player. I was approaching this all wrong...waiting on men to realize I was worthy of their time and commitment when the truth is they knew I would never be their 'one' but it did not stop me from patiently pursuing the few I chose.

But now...I am being pursued. Courted.

The very thing I write about here at The Storm and comment on various posts of fellow bloggers is happening to me.

Invites to events, having dinner cooked for me, being introduced to friends and associates. Yes, even passing the friendship test way before being more than a friend was a consideration (on my part at least).

And I am running away...

We met by chance at an event I attended with my Salsa group. It was a Christian singles event and we were invited to spark interest in Salsa before classes began at the next event. He was the DJ (another creative mind, can't seem to get away from them) and I asked for a card (always the event planner) because he was literally rocking the place. Only to find out we already knew each other in passing.

That Blue & White world is too damn small.

The conversation lured me in. He is an orator and has an amazing way with words. There is nothing like a man who can express himself. Who can give you a compliment in one breath and tell you you're trying his patience with the next and it comes across as nothing short of communication. It is not mean or angry and it leads to conversation instead of arguments.

What's the problem? I knew you would ask.

I am an old soul and he is young. Sometimes it shows. Younger than anyone I have ever dated or considered dating. Not KayC you are being a Cougar young but a good 4 years younger. And being in the Blue & White network means there is someone he has a history with that I know...pretty well.

He makes a living in the entertainment industry which I vowed to step away from. Especially after my Addiction. Women flock to Men Behind the Mike (Thanks to Mrs. Mary Mack for that term) and that lifestyle is not easy on relationships even when you do trust your partner.

He is not physically what I would go for. I am shallow...and I can call myself out on it. Actually, I am not shallow I just want the total package. Whatever that is for me. I have settled before with someone because he had a great personality and when that personality began to fade and the 'real him' came out I no longer liked him and there was nothing else to him. Nothing to spark my interest and that is not a good place to reside.

I am treading dangerous waters and I have no clue what I am going to do. But I can tell you that being pursued by someone who makes the time to do so is a wonderful feeling. Being around someone who gives you space at events but can turn around and tell you, "I know what I want and I want you. I am going to pursue you."

Great feeling indeed.

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...


  1. I would never tell any1 2 settle because I dnt myself, but u have to ask is that why some men haven't settled with you. I'm not trying to offend I'm just implying that we sometimes have a great catch in front of us and we come of with excuses like being shallow, but you may have 2 ask is that what these men have done 2 u. We never want to hurt a person feelings so we play the game. He is persuing u so I'm sure his feelings are involved and if it was reversed you may feel that you were being played with. I'm sure you have been hurt and you seem to be a very well rounded individual, but at some point we have to look 2 ourselves as the source of the problem. U might have to add a door to the wall. Good Read!

  2. I so agree with Champ....I'd say, dont knock it quite yet...Some say age is nothing but a number but I tend to agree...Just dont turn away your blessing until you know for sure...Dont disregard him totally for his age and his looks...Take your time here..,He may or may not be worth it...

  3. i would say not to shut him out completely. you never know where this may go. I know about the blue and white networking being small. Imagine my surprise when realized how small my PhirstPham network was. Hang in there babe but let's see about that window. :)

  4. Honestly I see nothing wrong with you or anyone else hiding behind a brick wall when it comes to dating and relationships.

    I am sure when the time is right, you will step from behind that wall. At least you know what's on your side of the wall. There is no telling what awaits you.

    If, by chance, the courter is able to obtain your trust to the point where the wall tumbles ... then he can take pride in his efforts and the "anything worth having is worth waiting for" end result.

  5. I too can understand the wall you put up! I have put that up many times! If I were to divorce and end up in the dating world I too would be the same. I feel you with the knowing exactly what you want! I know what I will and will not put up with. This brings to mind the whole Chili list that many of us have talked about. Some of it is crazy, but after she broke down with the therapist in a sense I see why she has "this list," though I still think some of this is crazy. But, hey that is what makes everyone unique.

  6. 25champ,
    No offense taken. I think people jump into things whole-heartedly before taking the time to get to know people. I am not playing with him. I enjoy his company and think he is a great man. What I am doing is contemplating what I want out of this relationship and if it has a future, something I think everyone should do before they get too involved with someone. Maybe some of the men were 'settling' with me but I wish they would have taken their time to decide if I was truly what they wanted before they preceded.

    Contractor quoted a good price for the door, I'll install it soon.

    I listed a few things along with looks and age. They were not my two drop dead factors. I agree that I need to take some time to figure it out.

    Pledging and living in the same city makes it feel like Junior High sometimes. Even though it was almost decades ago! That is why I try to attend very few of the B&W events...HA, that didn't work ;) Good to know B&W are not the only group with that problem.

    I agree with the 'anything worth having' sentiment but a lot of people do not. It surprises me how many people believe you can develop both a physical and intellectual relationship at once. All while 'seeing other people' and sleeping with everyone.

    My wall is my safety net. My 'love list' is nothing like Chili's. My list of needs is character traits, things I know about my personality and things I can live without. The list is supposed to get you away from physical characteristics and concentrate on what is really important to you. Chili's list (from what I heard) lists ALL physical traits and assets but she complains about character.

    My physical complaint comes from my marriage baggage. Men I am physically attracted to are all over the board but there has to be something that I like that physically attract me to someone. And if people were completely honest, they would agree.

  7. Don't settle. That is what I think. I was entertaining dating someone I was not physically attracted to but I knew I would eventually lose interest cause I want what I want. Even if he is a good guy with a good heart.
    I will only hurt him so it would not be fair to him either.

    On the flip side I had a friend tell me I don't know how to accept a real relationship. I am always looking and waiting for the worse so I don't allow the best to happen.

    I guess it is about learning to find a balance.

  8. Nothing wrong with building a wall. People who have never been married don't understand what you may have gone through. You have to protect your heart. I ain't mad at that. Your trust, love, and heart...has to be earned!

  9. True Urban Queen,
    Hey Sis. Yes, the hardest part is just enjoying the moment. To stop expecting the worst from everyone.

    I know my perspective is different being divorced but I do believe some things must be earned. Maybe I should say a person needs to show they are worthy of certain things instead of having them given on a silver platter?

    Welcome to The Storm. Thanks for stopping through and commenting. Come back again. Love your post on perfection.

  10. Put me in with the fella's. Take your time. Let the brother chisel the bricks out to get the door installed. That way both of you will know with more certainty what you are getting into.

  11. Rich,
    Somehow I knew you would say that :)

  12. Hey Sis... there's nothing like being pursued & if that's what he's going to do, allow him. You deserve it.

    What you seem to be is transparent. Even if your brick wall is up, cemented and intimidating. You can't hide it & there's no need to mask it. I agree with all of the men here. There's nothing wrong with being reserved and protecting your heart. And if he's worthy of being with you, he will prove himself to you.

  13. MsKnowItAll,
    I agree that he will prove himself to me but I also have to do the same.

  14. hmmm I've been here before. I walked away but not for any of your reasons. I walked away because after dating him for a few weeks I realized that he was as dumb as a box of rocks.

    I don't think the age thing should be an issue, but the fact that he has a history with someone that you know may be. Depends on the relationship between you and the other person.

    I've never been divorced so I can't speak on your feelings specifically, but I TRULY understand guarding your heart and the fact that he's a Man at the Mic could get sticky. We love those types huh?1 LOL

  15. Mrs. Mary Mack,
    LMAO at your 'dumb as a box of rocks' comment. are silly!!!

    Tried to get away from those types...that didn't work. They seem to find me everywhere I go ;)

  16. Put in a door... not for his sake. For yours. It's never about him coming in, but you coming out. anyone that says keep walls up is an idiot.

    You crave an openness to your life. You desire the light to stream in. Put in french doors that swing out!

  17. Lovebabz,
    Hey Sis! Allowing someone to earn the right is a good thing but I agree with the wonderful idea of french doors. I'm sure he will as well ;)