I spent the last few weeks of 2008 hanging with relatives I have not seen in years, enjoying some great company and hanging with wonderful friends and fam. I have attended great parties and consumed more spirits than I care to admit, but it was absolutely wonderful.
I never thought I would be THAT woman. You know THAT woman, she enjoys herself despite the other women cutting their eyes at her, she enjoys a man's company without becoming completely wrapped up in him. She is comfortable enough to not let things get to her. Yeah, THAT woman.
It hit me like a ton of bricks over the holiday. I have become the woman I always wanted to be. I can celebrate myself without being cocky or arrogant. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way the woman I am going to be, but I am definitely not the woman I used to be. I used to dream of being stable, confident, comfortable in my own skin, and have a place to call home. I used to dream of being a performer, being on stage with a spotlight highlighting my performance.
On my Christmas vacation I realized that I had reached all those things. I have a stable job, thanks to working out and getting rid of the stress in my life I am confident in my skin, and I can walk into a room with my head held high. I can enjoy my own company and hold my own on any dance floor (with or without a partner). But my major accomplishments this year was getting a home that is now my safe haven and becoming that performer that I always wanted to be.
That dream of becoming an entertainer was pushed so far down in my psyche I had forgotten about it until someone asked me "when is your next performance, you dance like an angel." Me? I stood there in shock as surely she was not referring to me. But slowly I internalized that she was and told her of the next performance and hopefully she will attend. At the start of 2008 I thought my world was over and it would never be the same. I was right. My world will never be the same.
My world is now better than I could imagine it to be.
This year is not about resolutions for me. It is about continuing to make myself a better woman, a better person, making more steps to the person I know I can be. Enjoying the fact that I can walk into a room and be so comfortable in myself that other woman seem to be intimidated. Know that I can go to my own home and escape the world. But most of all, I know that GOD has brought me through the flames a better person, a more understanding person, a more mature person, comfortable in her own skin. Only GOD has made me THAT woman.
But I sure am enjoying her... :)