I thought I was over my emotional baggage. Seeing his emails made me angry, and then they reminded me of the many reasons he now has "ex" in front of husband. I worked hard, scratch that, I worked DAMN hard to get through the emotional wreckage my so-called marriage left for me. I stayed in a 8 year marriage out of fear.
Yes, I can admit it. It was fear.
Fear kept me in a relationship with a man who was incapable of being emotional faithful to me. Fear had me wondering about what everyone else would think. Fear had me thinking no one else would love me. Fear had me begging this man to pick me. Now I can't imagine begging my own husband to pick me...after five years of marriage!
And now I guess he finds joy in sending me forwards with his ex-girlfriends' email addresses on them. Don't you just love technology?
I am not afraid anymore.
Now I know what kind of man he really is. He never deserved my love, and he never deserved the devotion that I gave him. Why is he sending me emails anyway? We are not friends and we do not have any children. I will not give him the satisfaction of blocking his emails. I will not give in to anger and fear.
I know my worth. I know that I am someone who deserves better. I am a woman who deserves to be given the same type of love that I offer. I will no longer be under the spell of someone who takes satisfaction in emotionally abusing me. I no longer share your name and I will no longer share your misery.
I am moving on. In fact, that is the poem from my last performance in March. I love how art imitates life. And the funny part is I didn't pick this poem, it was given to me and I rocked the HELL out of it:
I am moving on
reaching toward my hopes and dreams
It has taken me far too long
to reach this place, it seems
My fears may try to hold me back
To try and block my way
But with courage and faith in my heart
I will get there come what may
The road will be a long one,
And it may be rocky, too
But when I reach this place in time,
My dreams could all shine through
I am coming nearer to my goals
And my excitement grows
The plans I have made will soon be real
Along with the destiny I chose
Though I have been tossed and turned in life's storms
I will surely see a brighter dawn
I'm no longer held back by my fears
I'm finally....Moving On
by Alan Murray