My Birthday Reflections 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

This year was particularly hard for me, but I made it.

I sit back and reflect on an extremely difficult year and realize that I am a lot stronger than I think I am. I have come through this year with a clearer vision and focus on the woman that I am and the one that I desire to be. Although painful, my struggles have not broken me and I have not allowed them to break my spirit.

I wonder with amazement about my future and ponder with excited anticipation about the many directions my life can take. Every day is a struggle not to dwell on the past but to live in the moment. Enjoy the now and continue to realize that I can handle what life throws my way.

Today I will celebrate overcoming my obstacles with the friends and allies I have gained along the way. The people who helped me to realize my potential, who pushed me when I needed it and helped me up when I fell. I thank each and every one of you.

I celebrate this day with you. Thank you!

Oh, My Nappy Hair

I was featured by Curly Nikki as a Natural Glam Hair Idol. Her blog is dedicated to natural hair. I have been natural for almost 12 years and it surprised me that I have never posted about my hair here.

Since she thought my hair was a good enough topic for one her posts, it must be good enough for one of my own ;)

I have a short bio on my transition and the products I use in the interview. There is also a short section on how I style my natural hair. I love that my hair can go from a big, curly, kinky, coily, afro to a straight sleek style and everything in between with just a wash and some styling.

I wear my hair proudly, it is part of my growing knowledge that what God gave is me is enough. I hope you wear yours (no matter the texture) just as well.

Random Thunderstorms...(I Appreciate)

Creating a more upbeat vibe on this blog, I decided to share the little things in life I appreciate. Even with the stumbles along the way I can take a few moments to smell the roses.

I appreciate the compliment I got from a stranger (his name was Gregory) that told me my curly, kinky, mass of hair was gorgeous. Thank you Gregory, I appreciate it.

I appreciate my furbaby and how he greets me every afternoon after a day of work with a wagging tail, loud barks and usually a destroyed toy.

I appreciate the love of family and good friends.

I appreciate good memories.

I appreciate the love I see between my sister and my brother-in-law. Good pick, Sis.

I appreciate the invitations to Thanksgiving dinner by various people in my life.

I appreciate my ability to dance and perform (next show in March).

I appreciate eye candy, especially him:

Lenny Kravitz

I appreciate a man who wears hats well.

I appreciate my Crush for his honesty. He has a good heart. I truly appreciate him and yes, he wears hats well ;)

I appreciate knowing my neighbor's first names and the names of their children and pets. It makes me feel a little safer.

I appreciate the different colors of the leaves this time of year.

I appreciate my birthday which is coming up in about a week (check out the countdown at the top right). This birthday is special to me, it symbolizes my strength to get through tough times and come out of them appreciating little things.

Peace and Blessings,

Facing Fear

Thanks to my fellow blogger and "sisterfriend" Lovebabz for this post. It was exactly what has taken my thoughts lately. For some strange reason my ex-husband wants to make sure I am aware of his rekindled friendships with the ex-girlfriends he cheated on me with.

I thought I was over my emotional baggage. Seeing his emails made me angry, and then they reminded me of the many reasons he now has "ex" in front of husband. I worked hard, scratch that, I worked DAMN hard to get through the emotional wreckage my so-called marriage left for me. I stayed in a 8 year marriage out of fear.

Yes, I can admit it. It was fear.

Fear kept me in a relationship with a man who was incapable of being emotional faithful to me. Fear had me wondering about what everyone else would think. Fear had me thinking no one else would love me. Fear had me begging this man to pick me. Now I can't imagine begging my own husband to pick me...after five years of marriage!

And now I guess he finds joy in sending me forwards with his ex-girlfriends' email addresses on them. Don't you just love technology?

I am not afraid anymore.

Now I know what kind of man he really is. He never deserved my love, and he never deserved the devotion that I gave him. Why is he sending me emails anyway? We are not friends and we do not have any children. I will not give him the satisfaction of blocking his emails. I will not give in to anger and fear.

I know my worth. I know that I am someone who deserves better. I am a woman who deserves to be given the same type of love that I offer. I will no longer be under the spell of someone who takes satisfaction in emotionally abusing me. I no longer share your name and I will no longer share your misery.

I am moving on. In fact, that is the poem from my last performance in March. I love how art imitates life. And the funny part is I didn't pick this poem, it was given to me and I rocked the HELL out of it:


Moving On

I am moving on
reaching toward my hopes and dreams
It has taken me far too long
to reach this place, it seems

My fears may try to hold me back
To try and block my way
But with courage and faith in my heart
I will get there come what may

The road will be a long one,
And it may be rocky, too
But when I reach this place in time,
My dreams could all shine through

I am coming nearer to my goals
And my excitement grows
The plans I have made will soon be real
Along with the destiny I chose

Though I have been tossed and turned in life's storms
I will surely see a brighter dawn
I'm no longer held back by my fears
I'm finally....Moving On

by Alan Murray