Real Love

“I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, 

can't-live-without-each-other love.” - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

I love that quote. It describes that "love" that everyone seems to chase with reckless abandon. When you get older, you realize that life is not a fairy tale written by emmy winning television writers in a room on a movie production lot.

For a long time I did not know any happily married couples. Everyone I knew was either divorced, fighting an ugly custody battle over children or bashing their significant other to anyone who would listen. It is hard to keep a positive outlook when everyone is so negative. 

Then I met a couple who have been married for 30 years, all the children belong biologically to both of them and they are still happy. It made me feel good. After a little while I met another couple that was truly happy with each other, then another and slowly my faith started to return.

Then I started to look at myself and my own relationship. The quest for real love is something else. I am not searching for it but it would nice if it found me. Eventually, when I am really ready to receive it. 

The Mary J song was just in my head. It felt a little appropriate given the circumstances:

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings from  

Proud of Her

I posted a few years ago about my cousin and I making a pact to see the world together. We took a cruise and then things went south (the best laid plans of mice and men). She took on a part-time job and I had a few unexpected car repairs come up that took the "extra" I had planned on using for travel (outside of my scheduled performances).

Well, fast forward a few years and my cousin is now a new mommy! This is something she has wanted for some time but had experienced a great deal of complications in doing so. What makes me so proud of her? Other than the obvious thing of opening your heart and life to a precious life that requires molding and guidance? I am proud of her because she adopted a very lucky baby girl.

African-Americans tend to frown upon adoption but we have adopted for generations. We just called it "so-and-so will come stay with us for a while." Then they never left. What is adoption other than that? Kids living with relatives or friends of the family while their parents "got themselves together." Sound familiar? You had cousins growing up like siblings and friends children being treated like one of their own for many years. Adoption (to me) is just like that but with legal paperwork.

My cousin is single, never been married but knew she wanted to be a mother. She is extremely stable, has two sisters and a brother in immediate proximity who help with the baby along five nieces and nephews who are old enough to baby sit when needed (whom she helped raise and was there for daily). Like I said, this baby will never know what it is like to NOT be loved.

Photo courtesy of her Auntie

Seeing her with her new daughter warms my heart. It is strange to see her with her own child and her sisters fuss over her daughter like she is their own (I often tease her that she adopted a baby for her sisters, she is not the mom :-) Referring to her as "mommy" will take some getting used to but I am so proud of her for going after the life she wants. She knew what wanted, knew what path she wanted her life to go and made it happen. In doing so, she is making life wonderful for a little girl who might not have had the same opportunities she will have now.

One thing I do talk to lucky baby about is our little joke. Her mother and I were the last two women in the family to not have children. Lucky baby and I were lounging on the sofa and I was failing miserably at keeping her awake in an effort for her to sleep at night. Lucky baby -1, KayC - 0. 

I told her, "Your mommy and I had a pact to see the world. We were the last two who did not have babies and then she was blessed with you. Now why did she go and do that to me?"

While sleeping peacefully in my arms she stretched, smiled a little, yawned and continued to sleep.

Lucky baby indeed :-)

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Following My Intuition

I was catching up on some blog reading this holiday weekend and one of favorite bloggers was talking about being superficial in her writing. Being shallow in what she writes and the stories she tells about life. It was timely to me. So timely in fact that I could have been reading my own writing.

I started this blog what seemed like a few years back as an outlet. My life was in shambles and I was trying to find my way through the flames. This was the one place I was honest. The one place where I would pour my heart out under pen names and pseudonyms to protect the innocent and not so innocent.

Somehow I got away from that. I stopped putting things down on paper because I never wanted to live through them again. But that is not fair to myself. I need an outlet. I need something to get it out of my head and let go and give it to God. The good and the not so good.

I dusted out my journal yesterday and still have not written a word in it. What I have done is re-read a few things from the last time I put pen to paper over three years ago. I had forgotten all the little things that led up to major decisions at that time. Things that make journaling (and this blog) so important.

What I need to do is learn to follow my intuition. That gut feeling that never seems to steer me wrong. Whenever something goes wrong in my life it is because I went against that feeling. I find myself dealing with things in the end of relationships that I KNEW would be issues because they were nagging in my gut in the beginning. I find myself saying " I KNEW BETTER" whenever I go against that tiny voice inside of me. About anything.

From this point on I have made myself a promise. I will follow that gut instinct.

I will start now...

Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings from