"I have wanted to be married. It just has to be the right time and the right person. I have met plenty of 'right' people at the wrong time and have had the 'right time' with the wrong people. I am hoping to have both."
This was a statement made by someone during a dinner date. He is older by a number of years and was explaining to me why/how a successful man in his forties has never been married, has no children and has only come close to being engaged once. Especially in a city where it is beat into our brains that black women outnumber black men by a million fifty-eleven to one (my southern girl creeps in sporadically :-)
I started thinking about the right time and the right person. Has there been a right time and a wrong person or a right person and the wrong time? I have been told on a few occasions that I am great catch but there is so much going on in their life they can not commit right now. I always took that as a man's way of letting me down easy. Then I would become confused because I could not remember asking them to settle down or commit to me outside of a dinner or a few drinks.
Sometimes a woman just wants to entertain the thought of a man's company. There are times when a woman would like nothing better than to sit across from someone she considers really easy on the eyes and have a good conversation over a great meal. Is it possible for a man to understand that?
If I know your finances are tight and I want your company, I will offer to pay for it. I am not expecting anything in return outside of your company, vertically. Why? Because I enjoy you. I enjoy you not because I am trying to wait on you, trap you, make you commit to me and start a relationship with you but because I simply enjoy your company, conversation and presence!
There are times when I want to enjoy the right person until the right time comes along. Then maybe my right time will become your right time (a la Darius in 'Love Jones'). Ha!
If our right times never come at the same time? It is fine with me and guess what? We will have great memories and good conversations to hold onto and take with us as our journey continues. Those two things I know for sure.
(P.S. - In case you're wondering that photo above is of the quintessential couple who could never find the right time with the right person. Handing out cool points if you can name the couple made timeless by this classic film. MAD cool poins if you know their real names :)
Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...
I like this gentleman's response. I have yet to come up with an appropriate response when I am asked... so I may borrow this.
ReplyDeleteI'm taking a stab at this and I am probably wrong but...
The movie: Gone with the Wind...
The couple: Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara aka Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh
Dang it! MsKnowitall beat me to the punch. One of my fave movies.
ReplyDeleteHeeeheee... sorry Mo!
ReplyDeleteI just saw the movie last year for the 1st time & fell in love with it.
Nice to hear that from a man's perspective, as I've heard a variation of the same from my single female friends. Makes perfect sense to me. Gone with the Wind is such a classic! I haven't seen it in ages.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to that meeting the wrong person at the right time. A lot of times you want them to be THAT ONE but if it don't fit you can't force it. I agree with you about enjoying a person's company in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteI think men have been programmed to think that EVERY woman is looking for a husband until it is hard for them to comprehend the fact that everyone is not out to marry them, but instead trying to get to know them or just wanting companionship.
ReplyDeleteI have felt that I met the right person, but it was definitely the wrong time:( We both knew it, but didn't know how to act on it:(
I agree...I dont think men understand this concept of women NOT always putting them into husband category. I think men (and women) tend to judge based on the norm instead of at leaast understanding and getting to know the individual person that they are involved with.
ReplyDeleteDamn! That's a great perspective. It's true. Timing is everything in life. Sometimes WE are the ones who aren't ready. I think when the timing is right...and that person is right...it can't be denied. And you will know it!
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With the Wind! i've never seen the movie, so i don't know the real names. i read the book when i was in 5th grade, and i loved it. in my young mind, when she and Rhett kissed and she felt those fireworks, i thought 'if she's feeling fireworks, wouldn't that hurt'. LMAO! it wasn't until i got older that i realized, OHHHH, THOSE fireworks. hehe.
ReplyDeleteMsKnowitAll,
ReplyDeleteI liked his response as well.
Monique,
Hahaha...yep, she beat you to it. Love me some Rhett Butler ;)
MrsTDJ,
Yes, it was refreshing knowing he was secure in his strategy.
Kandia,
I also think we force it a lot of times when we should just settle into a good friendship. I adore the company of my male friends. Not everyone can be your life partner.
Carmelnaps25,
So many times men are shocked when I say I am not looking to walk down the aisle again anytime soon.
Jakki,
I agree but people also tend to say and do two different things.
12Kyle,
Thanks! Looking forward to the next blog radio show.
Jasmine,
LOL at the 'fireworks' comment. I first saw it in the 6th grade. My teacher was bawling at the end. We were like WTH?!?! Now, people look at me like that when I watch it :)
Cool Points go to Jasmine and Monique - the MAD Cool Points are awarded to Ms. KnowitAll :)
Gone With The Wind characters are Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara. Their real names are the beautiful British bombshell Ms. Vivien Leigh and very handsome Clark Gable.
I was engaged once, but it was the wrong person.
ReplyDeleteI am engaged again, but it is the wrong time. But our love is so strong for each other, that it seems we are more willing to deal with the bs of bad timing than with the hurt of separation. We tried it, you know, to get our lives together then be together, but decided to just be together now and let them timing take care of itself. Our life is crazy, but we love every minute of it.
Sometimes :)
Peace and Thanksgiving
Bree
enjoyed reading the comments just as much as the post. i agree to there being times where i have caught a woman too early or too late - thinking to myself that it just wasn't meant to be. then, there were those times when it appeared to be the stuff that heroes are made of. cool points at Love Jones influx.
ReplyDelete