Since my re-entry into the dating world I have only met two men who did not have children (recently met another, count stands at 3). Most of them have more than one (the average seems to hover around 2) and many of the children are pre-teen to teenagers. Sometimes I think I have this 'mommy potential' stamp on my forehead because I have never heard of so many men having custody or sharing custody of their children until now.
My percussionist friend has his youngest child (a very cute 8-year-old) about 5 days a week. One guy I met has custody of his oldest (17-year-old son) and working on getting custody of the youngest (15-year-old son). There was another guy who has had his son (now 18) since his mother literally dropped him off at his doorstep as a newborn and walked away. I've already mentioned the DJ friend who had his son for most of the summer and there is my Addiction who has his youngest two (13 and 11) very regularly.
I was not raised with my father. There was no one-on-one daddy duty when I was growing up. If it was not for the woman in my father's life throughout the majority of my childhood I am not sure how much I would have seen him. Because of that, I think I am attracted to men who take their daddy duty seriously. It is something I find extremely attractive and enduring. Especially the daddy hairstyles :-)
Dating a dad has limitations. They must arrange for sitters and cut nights short to relieve sitters. Many times their spontaneity must be planned. Schedules and school days are taken into consideration when dates are made. I have agreed to lunch and brunch dates when I would have much preferred dinner, drinks and dancing.
Yes, I am guilty of meeting dad after bed time. Let me not make a habit of that!
I love the daddy part of the men I meet but sometimes as a woman without children I would love to meet someone who has the freedom in their schedule that I have. Not having to worry about the children's mother and meeting other family that a man without children does not have. I wonder if that is possible at this age? When can I get this 'mommy potential' stamp cleaned off my forehead?
At least for a little while, maybe?
Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...
I was discussing this recently with a good (single) friend. She is 37 and has no desire to date younger men, so she was accepted the fact that she will probably end up as someone's stepmother. All of the men she's met in the last year have been very active fathers or fathers with full custody. It has taken her quite some time to get to the point of acceptance.
ReplyDeletei think in this day and age unless you going to date someone right out of highschool or just fresh into college, many are going to have kids. your post gives me hope that all the ones that are having children aren't deadbeats... believe me when i say that is a beautiful thing.
ReplyDeletei feel you..one reason i don't try to date is because my child comes first and i don't want to put people through the things you experience..but i don't want to date a dude with kids either..i have enough drama
I used to feel the same way before I had my son and now, I don't even bother with dating. it's not as easy for mothers as it is for fathers. For the most part, they have all the free time in the world once the child has gone to sleep or their visitation is over.
ReplyDeleteI do wish you luck with finding someone who is on the same page as you. It's not going to be easy but who's to say you won't meet a fab guy with a child and you 3 hit it off.
Mrstdj,
ReplyDeleteI have come to the realization that I will be someone's step-mother as well. I was contemplating adoption so this is not a foreign concept. After all, you do become a parent when you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone who has a child. Or I should say...you SHOULD become a parent when you make this decision.
Luv,
It is a beautiful thing to see the men involved like they are.
Monique,
Thank you for the well wishes. Like the way you put that...with ALL of us hitting it off :-)
I enjoyed this post. Where you speak of there being men with their kids I actually couldn't believe the amount of mothers who kindly passed on their parental duties. It's shocking, but I imagine it signals a new world in which we live.
ReplyDeleteToo funny @ "daddy hairstyles." That made me laugh because I once bragged that it was the ONLY thing I couldn't do for my daughters. I tried - *shivers at the look on my daughters face*
I actually believe it's a compliment towards yourself that you attract mostly "dads." But then I tend to live outside the box.
Also, I came close yesterday evening (The Last Airbender) ... but instead we chose to see Toy Story 3, it was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteAnutha dope post!
ReplyDeleteI think you'll be fine. Just take your time. Never enter it with any preconceived notions. Just be who you are. Good luck!
Well the older you get the more likely a man will have kids. If he is a man that sees his kids, and has no domestic violence mess in his background...meaning he ain't caught up in baby-mama drama then it may be worth exploring. So many men can appear to be great Dads, but on second look they are faking it, or not doing their absolute best. Men who make excuses as to why they aren't with their kids are men you want to stay away from.
ReplyDeleteI am a Mom with 4 kids and so I am not free to jump up and run to Paris in a moment's notice, however with a bit of planning and arranging I can get there. Oh and I love Grown up time after kids are settled into bed at night.
Don,
ReplyDeleteGuess I will take it as a compliment, Just thought it was a little strange. I have friends who have children who always seem attract men who don't have kids. Baffles me...
12Kyle,
Thanks. I always try to be myself. The good, bad and ugly! ;)
Lovebabz,
I know it is something that comes with age. Never thought I would be back in the dating world but such is life.
A few of the men I mentioned will admit to not always being the father they are today. A couple of them have rebounded quite nicely and I like the "grown up time" phrase :)
I think it's a great trend. I wonder how many of these guys grew up without a father themselves?
ReplyDeleteAs far as meeting guys without kids, I felt the same way 15 years ago when I was single. I couldn't find a sister without at least one kid that was worth the time of day.
I think, if you are patient, the guy for you will come and when you find the one, it won't matter if he has kids or not.
Rich,
ReplyDeleteTwo of the five men I mentioned grew up without their fathers. I am not sure what happened with one but the father of the second one died when he was fairly young.
The others? Well, their parents are still together. Happily from what I know.
My ex is a man with full custody of his severely handicapped daughter and I understand your sentiments exactly. Spontaneity is very much planned, hence not too much spontaneity... and time alone, which was infrequent, was often spent resting. While I loved the daddy part of him, I would have appreciated more time given to us.
ReplyDeleteI am like you, single with no children... wanting the same things...
MsKnowitAll,
ReplyDeleteHey Sis! Was wondering where you were.