Want to Know What I Want?

The beginning of 2011 has forced me to deal with a lot of issues I thought were dead and buried. I have had to tackle things I thought I had conquered years ago. So you may find a lot of my new posts are focused on finding me and my balance. I wrote this one a long time ago but ironic how it is relevant today.


Everyone keeps asking me what I want. What I want in a partner, what I'm looking for in a man. What I desire in a companion. If I could manifest the perfect mate....


I want...

...to look in his eyes and have everyone else in the room disappear.

...someone to make me smile and look at me like this on AND off the dance floor




...A man that is sexy and confident, that ignites thoughts at the sight of him



...to lounge on the sofa and fit perfectly in his arms while we watch...something. I really don't care what it is.

...both of us to be secure in what we have. Titles are words, feelings have meaning but intentions can last a lifetime.

...to remember what it's like to be loved when I am having a long stressful day.

...my memories of the night before to carry me through my day.

...to be on the same wave length and communicate without words.

...to inspire him to be the best him he can be.

...PASSION.



Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

The 'Why' Behind it All

There are so many times when we ask "why."

Why did this happen to me?

Why am I here?

Why did that not work out?

We ask the "why" to try to gain understanding. To make sense of the non-sense that is happening around us. And we often become frustrated waiting on the answer while trying to understand the process. Struggling with where we are in relation to where we want to be. We forget that God knows what He is doing even when we do not. We forget that sometimes we are so busy wanting and trying to have the things that are not meant for us that we taking ourselves farther away from the path we should be walking.

I am beyond guilty of this.

I wanted someone who did not want me. Who wanted to play with my emotions and fulfill his needs. I wanted a better job with better pay when I was exactly where I needed to be to meet the people I needed to meet. I kept putting my bright ideas on hold while struggling to fulfill dreams other people had for me. I know I will never be a VP in corporate America. I know this because I have zero interest in obtaining those goals, that is not my dream for myself.

My dreams are slowly unfolding themselves to me in a way that is undeniable. My dreams and the 'why' I am in this moment is becoming clear to me. I walked the long way to my destination because I needed to clean out the old to make room for the new. I needed the confidence and contacts that I lacked while pursuing someone else's dream for me.

I am getting to the answer on my 'why' - are you getting to yours?

Until Next Time,

Peace & Blessings...

Finding (and Keeping) a Life Partner

I was cleaning out my email inbox and came across this article. Not sure I agree with everything said but it is interesting reading. I’m posting only an excerpt (because it does ramble at times) because I am curious to read your opinions…



FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Excerpt from - Golden rules for finding your life partner...

…"You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1:
Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line - marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3:
Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions:

Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask about your Significant Other...

What do they do with their time?
Is this person materialistic?
Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4:
How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.

How do they treat their parents and siblings?
Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it:

"You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse"

If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.


Another perspective....
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you…


Pay attention.... Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.


Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship…

I edited out a few lists because I think as bloggers we have already torn those apart ;-) But what do you think of the questions? Are they valid questions to a long-lasting relationship?

Old Irish Proverb

Life is funny...every day I am surprised by the contents presented to me. I was reflecting on this Old Irish proverb:

Work like you don't need the money,
dance like no one is watching,
sing like no one is listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
and live life every day as if it were your last.
It sounds like such a nice sentiment, but it had me wondering if you could really live life like this.




Work like you don't need the money...
If only...

If I could 'work' like I didn't need the money I would make MAJOR changes in my career path. This desk is killing me slowly and my spirit is begging me for something new. I am working on it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is be still and wait on God. Would it be terrible to ask Him to hurry up already...LOL!




dance like no one is watching...
I think I have this one covered and mastered it within the past six months. I took a few weeks off (besides Salsa class) and realized I was a bit rusty when I returned to the hardwoods a few weeks ago. My partners and I laughed it off and keep dancing. I realized I truly dance like no one is watching when this photo was posted a few days later:



I cracked up and thought the photographer was wrong for posting that one! Yes, KayC was checking him out while we danced. He moved wonderfully and trust me....it looks much better in person :) Ha!




sing like no one is listening...
My cousin is the 'singer' of the family. I can carry a tune and sound pretty good if the song is in my key. Usually younger people are the recipient of my songs (mostly younger cousins and my niece, mainly Disney songs) or the person I am dating may get privately seranaded. No complaints yet. Still working on it...




love like you've never been hurt...
I'm still a hopeless romantic, but....moving right along.





and live life every day as if it were your last...
This is a big one. I ask myself all the time 'would you be worrying about this if you only had a few days left to walk this earth?' Most of the time my answer is a resounding NO!

I try to be myself, to conduct myself in a way that is reflective of who I am regardless of the people around me. Most of the time it works out well but there are times when my feelings get hurt. Many nights I nurse wounds because I did 'the right thing' only to receive negative reactions and repercussions. Looking back, would I change any of it? Only a few things...but what is life without a few regrets?


I pose the question to you blog family. Do you live your life by the Old Irish Proverb?


Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...

Does Your Past Dictate Your Future?

Remember that time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
But today is a gift.
That's why it's called The Present!
-Author Unknown


Last year was great, I met wonderful people, opened my heart to love and became one hell of a dancer, performer and Salsera. My holiday season was filled with an abundance of food, family, friends and love. As we enter another year and another decade I find myself looking back on my history. This year I will continue to answer the hard questions for myself about myself. Looking and dissecting both the good and bad choices. I am contemplating my failures and successes. Thinking about the difference a single choice can make in my outcome and I honestly feel overwhelmed at times.

There are a few people in my life who have difficult histories (money problems, shared parental concerns and self-esteem issues) that seem to shape who they are to other people. So much so that some of them keep those issues hidden until they feel a person has chosen to get to know them. Others have tried to share things with their Significant Others only to hear 'it doesn't matter' but ironically I can't help but think that it does.

Many people say that person's past can and will dictate what they will do in the future. For me I tend to attract people who are going through life situations exactly like mine. I attract men who have the 'White Knight Syndrome' even though I am far from a damsel in distress. Those men often have past lives that would deter a lot of people from pursuing a relationship with them. Multiple mothers of children, financial difficulties, strict time commitments, etc. Ironically they are wonderful fathers.

I find myself questioning when does the past become simply the past? Is there a time limit when you stop looking side-eyed at someone because they were slinging sex to everyone in high school or college when you are now well into your 30s, 40s or beyond? Do you hold that against them indefinitely? Why or why not?

When does your past dictate your future and when does it become just your past? When do you stop making decisions based on what other people will think of your choice for that new man or woman in your life? When do we stop dwelling in the past and truly look toward the future?


Peace & Blessings...