Sometimes those demons come back to haunt you.
God has shown me that He (or She, whatever you prefer and whomever you worship) is in total control of my life. I showed my hand to God and He (or She) laughed at my ridiculous thoughts and vision of my future. I now know that things are in my future that I had no idea I would be blessed to have but at the same time I also know that the remnants of my previous marriage still haunt me.
It seems like every time I think I am healed, when I truly feel as if I can walk facing forward, something reminds me why I am in this place at this time. Right now it is all financial. My trust in someone that did not deserve a dime had me close to financial ruin and it seems no matter how much I try, those financial demons shape my current situation.
I try so hard not to be bitter but there are times when my humanity gets the best of me and I HATE HIM FOR IT!!! Then I hate that I was so quick to be done with him that I accepted all the debt and let him out free as a bird to enjoy life with his next wife.
While they seem to be doing extremely well (I know things are not always what they seem) I am haunted by his financial irresponsibility and my stupidity in mixing my finances with his. And now, years later I am still struggling with those choices.
It effects me...every...day.
I eagerly await the day when I can fully walk away from those bad choices. The choices that have me in a place that is currently keeping me from things I need to do. The financial issues that are now shaping my views on relationships. I need to get a handle on this before it ruins my current blessing.
Don't get me wrong, I am a stickler for budgets and I do not waste money. But it so hard to dig yourself out of a hole when you don't make much and prices in an unstable economy fluctuate like the wind.
Leaving the past behind you...is not always easy.
I MUST learn how to do it.
Soon.
What I have learned...make your choices carefully.
Until Next Time,
Peace & Blessings...
Pray
ReplyDeleteI know that you do but continue to pray. I know that HE will lift you out of this hole. HE is willing and able to do JUST that! And HE will.
Also pray that HE removes the hate that you have for your ex. While he may be in a better spot financially than you, that won't always be the case. Divorces aren't easy on people...especially financially. You may have made mistakes but it happens. We've all made them. I can tell that you've learned from then and that's a great start.
Lastly, don't allow your ex's deeds (misdeeds) to make you miss the possibilty of greatness with someone else.
Keep praying. And we'll pray for you as well!
Seems as if you learned a lesson which I too learned once upon a time. At least you realize the day will appear where such financial ruin will be just a memory, which is good.
ReplyDeleteI had no choice but to accept the major loss. So, in that regards, I'd switch places with you in a heartbeat.
Hmm. I didn't think you had a problem letting go...
I need to get a handle on this before it ruins my current blessing.
Bingo.
Kendra, you've always appeared to be a very firm human being so I cannot see anything placed in your path which you are unable to overcome.
Stay focused.
I cosign with Don. In full agreement.
ReplyDeletePerhaps an award is just what you need! Drop by the blog, you are the recipient of the Liebster Award! HOORAY!
ReplyDeleteI have faith in your faith! God's ot your back...ALWAYS!