Ready for Love

I have never known real love. Love that is so real it can't be denied when it is seen. I remember the first time love made it's presence known in my world. It appeared as a notion that I hadn't thought about, it appeared as a friend who I spent countless hours talking on the phone with. We took that feeling of comfort, complacency and familiarity with each other as love.

It was not love.

I find myself looking around wherever I go. Do you see the look in his eyes for her? That undeniable "Baby, you make my world okay" look that just takes your breath away. Oh yes, I thought I had found it when I almost married someone who I thought I couldn't go through life without. I remember thinking how comfortable I was with him. How we could talk about anything, but it wasn't love.

It wasn't unconditional.

I remember when I thought I had finally found it. Love was the label I put on it as he showed me worlds that I had not seen, exposed me to things I had only heard about in movies and television. I was different to him and he was new to me. We thought we had it and we walked down an aisle to profess it to God and the rest of the world.

I can now admit that even as I walked down the aisle I knew it wasn't it.

I knew there was something missing, but I fought like hell to make it into love. It ultimately didn't last and I became doubtful that love exists. The word love is thrown around to describe all types of emotions, but hardly used in the context that it should. I want love, real, unabashed, undeniable, can't take another breath or go through another year without you love. The kind that you know, that you know, that you KNOW and you just click.

I have met wonderful men who had me crushing something wicked, beautiful, sexy men who are a great catch. But there was no love, there was not enough there to make me believe that I could make a life with them. I deserve better and those great men deserve something better than someone who is pretending to love them.

I am ready for the possibilities of love again. It took me a long time to get over my baggage and trust issues and learn to live in the moment. With each misstep and stumble I always said God has one wicked sense of humor.

I just wish some things were not so complicated. Even the music I listen to now reflects love, her words are straight from my soul and my spirit to the world...